Who Got Released From What?

      So, what's her face got released from that prison somewhere. Hurrah! Who gives a shit? Really. Anybody? I didn't think so. I just heard about this girl a week or two ago. Frankly, I'm upset. I'm distraught with the knowledge that she was in that Italian hell for four long years...Four! Why was I not informed earlier, so, that I could not give a shit much, much sooner? I would have liked some time to prepare and condense the immensity of my not caring.

Not me. So, kill yourself...twice.

      I was really contemplating this dilemma whilst mid-late night shit.the other day. When I read this on...some news website or another, I stopped, rested chin on hand, strained and thought. Why do I not care? This poor girl spent four years in a foreign country for a crime she didn't commit. I should care, but, I seriously, seriously don't. Why, Elton? Why, you heartless (grunt), soul less (strain), slightly constipated bastard (plop) would you not care?

Why?

Well, I'll tell you why, why: 

NEWS NETWORKS ARE FUCKING LAZY!

      There must be a process, in which a person, who's hired by a news organization, takes a work shop titled "Our Audience: The Birth Of An Ass Clown '". Seriously, they give us news of Amanda Knox, when she's involved in a trial to set her free...at the tail end of four years of prison. What about the other four years, news people? You didn't give a half baked fuck enough to inform me of her existence during those previous years. Why should I give a fuck now? I just heard about this chick's trial a week or two ago, people are telling me it's been going on for like three months. Three months out of four years, means, the level of shit giving is at a horrific low, news. You fail. You have to give people time to invest in a story before trying to get us to commit to it. Shit, there were Italian's who knew more about her and wanted her freed more than I did. Not that I'm adverse to doling out justice, but, I didn't know who the fuck she was until three weeks ago. The news needs to try a little harder next time, because this time, there's better shit to worry about.

Like, how long before Paula Abdul's shit faced on t.v.

I CAN'T RELATE. SO, FUCK IT.

      Amanda Knox was a college student who was doing a foreign exchange...type of shit at some university in Mussolini country. She gets a room with some chick who ends up on the wrong side of a homicide. Italian's keep her in the clink, force feeding her meatballs and mafia stories, then, over turn her verdict. Four years of her life gone, she's freed hating the smell of pizza and probably reeking of oregano. So, tell me...at what stop on the voyage of this shit train was I supposed to jump on board? Am I supposed to care that someone went to jail for something they didn't do? On an average Saturday in America, there are hundreds of college students who are falsely accused and arrested for fucking sheep. That's not counting what animals are being corn holed in other countries. Do I give a shit about any of them? No. Sorry it happened but, that shit happens every day. Here's a hint. Don't get involved, then, lie about murders. Especially in other countries. Their laws are all...medieval and hard core. They might sentence you to death...by mule stomping or drawn and quartered by fat guys on Italian scooters.

Death machines

Amanda Knox's plight doesn't go without some modicum of sympathy from me. I feel bad for her, sure. I just don't feel the need to give a shit. I wouldn't expect the world to give one half of a shit sandwich about me being stuck in jail for four years in another country. Like I said, that shit happens all the time. To tell you the truth, if I was Amanda Knox, I'd be pissed at the press. Where the fuck were they when all this shit started in 2007? 

Ohhhhh yeah. The iPhone was released. Duh.