Monday, February 13, 2012

How to End Violence...For A While

      We love our violence. Oh, don't feed me that bullshit, you love it and you know it. Everyone loves it! We love the fucking fuck out of it. We, love it so much, we've built our sports, movies and wars out of it. There are even sexual fetishes involving it. Nothing says "I love violence" than getting your ass kicked...for pleasure. Though it's been the source of a lot of friction throughout history.


They're cousins, identical cousins and you'll find, 
they laugh alike and walk alike, 
sometimes they even talk alike...

      War, murder, rape, bludgeoning, hand ball though fun on the outside, tend to put a lot of people off. Especially the physical and emotional scarring aspects. Violence has some saving graces, you must admit. Killing of animals for food, the Shaolin monk "learn wicked fighting skills for spiritual clarity" thing and punching the clown, all of which are fine examples of the positive attributes of violence. Plus, it practically birthed modern society. It also allows for the punching of mouthy pricks that need a good shutting up, which is good, right?

The downsides to violence certainly out weigh the good however.

      People feel that  violence, despite it's saving graces, is bad thing. A really bad thing. They hate it. They spend millions a year trying to end it, they hate it so bad. They also spend millions a year on "as seen on t.v." devices and shit like edible underwear, so, what does that tell you. The general consensus is that it should be abolished. That's a pipe dream, of course, much like ending cloud cover, taxing marijuana and getting 18 year old stoners to vote Republican. Even acknowledging our love of violence and it's slight awesomeness, can we curb our blood lust addiction in some way? What can a society built, coddled and birthed by violence do to stop or even cut the dose? Friends, while contemplating the universe, adult diapers and other relevant topics amid my morning dump, I came across the ultimate answer. THE ULTIMATE ANSWER...for a little while at least...

HOW TO END VIOLENCE!


Mama said knock you out!

      The plan is simple. Start with the basics. A principle that's been handed down from god to wise men, then to action stars and finally to regular folks like you and me. The principle of "an eye for an eye". It goes all the way back to a famous legal code. It was written by Hammurabi, who as we all know, did some some shit of historical significance a long time ago...I'm assuming.

      It's basically "The Golden Rule's" twisted alter ego. One who goes to airport strip bars hits on homely strippers and later, beats up vagrants for loose change. Whatever crime you perpetrate, under these laws, will have an equal punishment. Basically that's how it goes. An example: if you're having a bad day, feel it can be remedied by procuring a staple gun, taking to the streets and stapling passerby's genitals in a deranged joy filled glee, the same will be done to you. No arguing, no alleviated sentencing for blowing the judge, no good behavior for video taping secret orgies, just plain ol' crotch staplin' for you. Ouch, right? When the criminal community gets wind of how serious a stance this is, they'll think twice about sneaking into fields and raping cattle.



There will be no more raping of cattle little one.

      For our solution, "eye for an eye" laws are, but a stepping stone to ending all violent greatness. So, relax for a minute, your squirrel molestation "hobby" is safe for the time being, sicko.

      There are still tons of stupid asses out there who don't understand that blowing up a school bus means that they will also be blown up...in a school bus. It doesn't compute! It's like trying to convince a pot head, who thinks that weed isn't a real drug, is in fact a drug. No amount of prison gang rape due to drug convictions will convince them otherwise. 


Why am I being punished for God's sweetest non-drug? 
Why marijuana, WHY?

      So, with new laws in place, we move on to the second step: involving the youth. Horrific as it might sound, the youth of today are becoming...desensitized to violence. Not all violence, mind you, just movie and video game violence. Real violence still scares the shit out of kids. They realize there's a difference...and there is a difference. The difference between getting kicked in the nuts and showing someone getting kicked in the nuts is like...well, getting kicked in the nuts. It's blinding in the shear volume of reality it delivers...and ball sack pain.

      A good psychological shock to the system would shake those little bastards to their very core! What I propose, is a field trip like cross between the judicial and school system. When some crazy violent offender commits a horrendous crime, turn it into a learning experience for kids. An example: A scrubby fucker decides the best way to make a buck is to shot gun a store clerk in the face and steal shit. Said scrubby fucker is caught and sentenced. He's to have his property seized by the government and subsequently shot gun blasted in the face. When the sentence is executed, school kids watch it happen from plush seated viewing gallery. Boom.


This kid currently has shit...all in his pants.

      After a few years of unfiltered, blood and gore justice, children will be dumbfounded and scared to death. Would a generation of kids, subjected to the awful truth of swift and brutal justice, commit violent crimes that ended in that kind of punishment? I doubt it. They'd walk the straight and narrow for majority of their time on Earth. The only time they'd stray would be to download pirated porno and maybe gamble on what shitty singer on American Idol will flash a tit and get disqualified. 

      This wouldn't last forever. Eventually, some nut wing, politically ambition hungry, moron group will deem the "justice galleries" as horrific for kids and their, easily manipulated, minds. We'd slip into a decline of non-violence and violence would escalate. The lessons gleaned from braining law breakers will be forgotten and the world will return to the violence loving realm of blood and money it was before. So, it is that we, as humanity, are here to end each other in blood. At least we'd have peace for a short while...and a generation of kids with thousand yard stares.  

1 comment:

  1. Your plan is an excellent one, and similar to my own. If I were ever to rule the justice system, though, I'd take the eye for an eye plan a bit further (in order to save tax dollars). ALL criminals shall be executed, regardless of their crime. Except murderers--they get a choice of execution or joining my military.

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