{the continuation of "A Confrontation On Sean Connery's Front Lawn: Part One"}
[BASED ON TRUE EVENTS]
A Confrontation On Sean Connery's Front Lawn: Part Two
Sean Connery tosses his shot gun on the grass beside him. "Yeh both look like yer able. What say mister Connery just beats yeh fookin senseless with a bit of brute Scottish force, eh?" The two young men both look at Sean Connery with a mixture of fear, dismay and confusion. Their mouths hang open at the sight of Sean Connery rolling up the sleeves of his plaid flannel shirt. "I'll give yeh two seconds to decide whether you're gonna leave with your all yer blood or if you're gonna leave a lettle here."
Listen. I hear an ass-whoopin' comin' yer way.
The ulitmatum still hangs in the air as the two purile men speak to each other in hushed tones, the passenger asks the driver in a frightened tone,"What the fuck is this, man?" "Looks like he's gonna whoop our ass, bro."
"My ass? Why my ass?"
"You first, homie...I've got my mom's camcorder and it's NOT getting smashed by an angry Scotsman.." the driver replies. "What the fuck?!", says the passenger to his counterpart's remark.
"Time's up, lads!" That being said, Sean Connery grabs the passengers arm and delivers a blow to his rib cage. "HOLY SHIT!!!" the passenger yelps in pain.
"I'm recording, fool! Suck it up you're getting your ass kicked by a knight!" the driver exclaims. Sean Connery bends down and grins at his opponent, who's now gasping for air on the ground, "Well, will yeh look at that...it seems like yer mother had two pussies, one's between her legs and the other's here on my lawn."
Weakness: It's the Scottish "laughing gas".
"Fuck you, Connery!", the passenger angrily retorts while leaping to his feet.
"Well, now, it's about time, I was gonna ask yeh fer a wish, thought fer a second you were a fairy." Sean Connery counters.
The, twenty something passenger, swings a fist high at Connery hoping to connect with his jaw, but, to no avail. His blow is deftly blocked by Sir Connery. They start to circle each other. Connery delivers a few minor blows to the boy's chest and stomach, some of which connect yet, his opponent remains standing. The passenger often swings desperately but, his blows never find purchase.
"Yeh gonna fight or is the shyt in your diapers slowing yeh down?" Connery taunts.
"I'm gonna eat you alive, dick!" the passenger snaps back, then, he moves in quickly and lands a blow to Connery's chin which causes blood to trickle from the corner of his mouth. Sean Connery pauses a second to wipe his mouth, "Now...that tastes like the shtart of eh fight--.".
Sir Sean swiftly moves in launching his knee into the man's unprotected groin. It causes the passenger to double over and fall to his knees. Connery instantly clutches the young passenger's hair and whips his head back, "--and THIS, boyo, is what the END of a fight tastes like.", a deluge of punches from Connery's free hand pummel the young man's face until he's unconscious. Only then, is he allowed to fall to the ground, vanquished by Sir Sean Connery.
Sean Connery, pausing to reflect on how much ass he has kicked.
"Is that all?", Sean Connery's fists unclench and he takes on a pleasant demeanor, "Whawt am I shigning, lad?"
"Uh...", the driver says, while he walks over to his blood spattered friend. He pulls a blood smeared eight by ten picture of Connery from under his friends battered body and hands it to Sean Connery. "And eh, who is it to, lad?" Sir Connery asks. "Oh, uh...to me, I mean, uh...Mark and...uh...Tre', yeah that would be sooo wicked!"
Sean Connery signs the picture hands it to Mark and begins to walk toward his mansion, as he steps over the ruined young man, we now know as Tre' he stops. Tre' who has begun to awaken and is moaning in pain and confusion.
"Tre'? Hello, there?, Tre'?" Sean Connery leans down and says to the battered twenty something year old passenger. "Huh?" Tre' answers still dazed. "Tre', could you get the fuck off my lawn please?" Connery inquires in a markedly congenial voice.
Fuhken' kids.
THE END.
