How I Discovered Doctor Who
Sweaty, breathless and running in nothing but Superman Underoos, life was weird. Hugging the soft, gravelly shoulder of a highway, I was scared for my life. The night air was chilly and jarring. It didn't help that I was mostly naked, except for the Underoos. It also didn't help that I was 19 at the time. I hadn't been able to fit, properly, into Underroos since I was 9. Yet, remarkably, astonishingly tight underwear were the least of my problems.
I search "running down highway in underwear",
Google gives me underwear clad midgets in marathons.
Roughly eleven hours prior to my Underoo clad terror jog, I was sitting on a couch. A couch located in a loft rented by a friend of mine. I was people watching, nursing a beer, when a strange girl sat next to me. Buxom and violet hair dyed, she intrigued me. "Take this." she said, handing me a tiny square of paper. I knew what this was of course...a tiny stamp. Did she want me to mail a tiny letter as well?
I only got as far as licking the stamp.
After putting the, ill constructed, stamp on my tongue, I was advised that the trip would be awesome. I asked "Where we were going?", to which she replied, "The universe.". I wrestled with the idea of explaining that we were, in fact, already in the universe, but, that might have jeopardized my chance to see her sweet, sweet boobs. No universal reality check is big enough to fuck up seeing boobs. So, we sat and talked...and talked some more...until her face melted. Melted onto those sweet, sweet boobs.
An artist's conception.
Several hours and numerous escape attempts from unicorn powered space pirates, I found myself alone...running...in Underoos, at night. Breathless and...well, now, slow jogging down a highway in terror, I never noticed the police car following me...slowly...with it's lights on. Then, I began to see the changing blue/red light pattern dance across the road around me, as if on cue...the car pulled alongside me. I continued to run...er...slow jog.
"Having a good night?", said the officer with the extraordinarily large head.
"Yes, large headed constable. Just escaping soul stealing space pirates.", I replied, through tired huffs.
"Oh, oh...I see." was his response. The car crunched the gravel shoulder occasionally, we continued on in relative quiet for a moment. I running, him hanging out the window while his partner, Abraham Lincoln drove. They kept pace with me.
"Are they with you now?" he said. "No, sir...I fed them my clothes to get away. It was a diversion.", I answered.
"Oh, right, that explains a lot...that's pretty smart", he complimented.
"I'm a smart guy. Especially when being hunted by space pirates.", I responded boastfully.
"Oh, yeah, yeah, I can see that...say, say you wouldn't mind getting in our car here would you?" he inquired.
"Me? No, I wouldn't mind. In fact, I'd be honored, Sergeant Large Noggin. Does mister Lincoln have a problem with it?"
Confused, the huge skulled monster cop looked around. Then, realizing whom I was talking about, responded, "Ehhh...nah, Mr. Lincoln is fine with it." He eased the car to a stop. President Lincoln and Lieutenant Large head got out and explained their elaborate braceletting procedure. It seemed fine, plus, I got jewelry!
After our conversation filled car ride I was "booked" into their "station" and placed in a holding room. The door was open and I could see a t.v. in the room across from it. An officer was bored and watching a show. Being a slow night and also having the face of Fred Flintstone might drive anyone to boredom, I imagine. Alas, he was watching "Doctor Who". I had never seen this before and was curious. I was quickly engrossed in the program. It seemed that with the walls melting around me and people talking like Charlie Brown teachers, here was a program that actually made sense! It was completely logical and non-melty. It was a show...about a doctor...who helped people. How amazingly simple and sane! In a world where unicorn power was evil and space pirates wanted desperately to gouge out your soul, here was a show that was "real". I was hooked...and have been hooked ever since. Thank you Fred Flintstone, Detective Large Cranium and President Lincoln, I will forever be indebted for your introducing me to "The Doctor".