Thursday, January 21, 2016

My Some What Life Without Facebook

Alright, so I've been busy.  I've been procrastinating a good deal and have been dealing with "issues" (most of which I've had for the better part of a lifetime). Plus, I've been writing-ish...a book.  It's about dying in a comic fashion, not getting into Heaven, then, breaking into Heaven with the help of lesbians...and masturbation.  I know what you're thinking...

Best seller, amiright?  

In that time of writing, procrastination and "issues", I've dumped out of social circulation.

For over a year and some and on, I've lived without Facebook. I know, I know...I'm insane, right? It's unthinkable to be out of all seeing eye of the Internet for that long. It's reckless. According to 99% of humanity, its akin to trimming pubes with a hot iron attached to a speeding train.

I survived to tell the tale and have come out of the other side a newer, fatter, slightly less enlightened version of myself.

Here are a few tidbits I've managed to accomplish and things I've learned between my normal bouts of masturbating while sobbing uncontrollably. Obviously.

You Have A Lot More Time!

Facebook eats your time like a fat kid
 at a bacon buffet

Did I get a lot of things done without Facebook? I think the answer is...KIND OF! Before, when I trolled through Facebook's offerings, I would zombie out in front of that ever expanding friend fed timeline thing and lose an entire day.

Without it, I built a guitar (several actually) and started two books. Though, whether I finish the books, who the fuck knows. Would I have even attempted to start that shit beforehand? No.

As it turns out, Facebook is a huge fucking time drain and it doesn't even have a pop up to warn you about it. That's fucked up, right?  If something was draining your life, minute by minute, drawing your attention away from potentially life enhancing things like...curing cancer or developing super powers, you'd want to know, right? Albeit, you'd probably be fucking pissed too.  Something standing between me and X-Ray vision?! What the fuck!

Yet, Facebook does it everyday.  It's probably doing it right now.  See what happens without it for a bit.  You'd be surprised.

You might think you'll miss out on a lot though.  People living their lives without you being tapped into it, yeah? Well, as it turns out...

Nothing Changed...really

Ignore the hand shaking...I don't know what the hell that means...

A year is a long fucking time or at least I thought it was until time froze or something. I left the magical book of faces only to come back to the exact same things.  People, as it happens, don't do much.  Well, that is to say, they don't do much when they have Facebook spewing phones and tablets at their disposal.  They more or less spin their wheels.

Forgive me, for I thought that with the passage of time came movement. Movement meaning, significant changes in one's situation, life and or hair color/style.

Who would have thought that without checking on whether an acquaintance's cat is sick or just pregnant, that there was room to do other things? As it would happen, the social media in general are severely counter-intuitive.  It's true.  While you're constantly checking on updates or interesting things others are doing, you're not doing anything interesting yourself.  Multiply that by everyone you're checking up on all the time and boom...nothing happens.  Fucking crickets.

Not That It Matters

Damn right, Calvin.

Maybe I'm just bitter, as I've always been kind of a downer person, but does anything on Facebook actually matter?

I mean, the parts of it that people tout as "useful" and "important" can easily be performed in ways that are easier to do.  Want to share pictures?  Send them to someone on your phone via text or something.  Want to send someone a message?  Send them a text or email or something like that directly.  What else is Facebook good for?  Oh, you're mentally listing them, so I'll cut to the chase...

Facebook isn't for sharing.  It's for our twisted entertainment, like Candy Crush or one of those other games I don't play except with real people.  It's amusement at the expense of your friends and family for your benefit.  Don't think so?  Tell me about all the times you scrolled past some acquaintance's kid because, fuck that person's kids or all those goofy Right-wing/Left-wing memes because, fuuuuck politics, no one cares they're sooooo boring.  Right?  That is exactly the kind of shit that's in the way of a Facebook tiff between two potential divorcees that you've been meaning to follow up on...secretly.  

No one makes their way through a timeline to check out a 6 year old's birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese.  Well, unless you're a long distant relative who has a passing interest as to whether that kid is looking more and more like the guy/girl the mother/father cheated on the mother/father with. 
More or less... 

All in all, I kind of miss it, though I didn't participate a lot.  Still, being in contact with everyone was helpful, to some degree, still I've managed to greatly reduce the mental white noise Facebook seems to generate in everyone's lives.  Though, I can't say that I haven't found alternatives to the habit forming draw that social media provides. It would seem that I've substituted smack for PCP (or some drug abusing shit like that).  I've become a Quora bitch as of late, but in my own defense...I can't help it...the political questions are like crack.

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