Sunday, September 18, 2011

Choking Your Retarded Chicken

      I understand that some things will never be good enough for some people. They're either uppity assholes, regular assholes or that special kind of asshole that teaches other assholes how to be assholes. It's just fucking infuriating. They're the fuck faces that want twice the caffeine in things, their house redecorated when the carries the hinting fart of seasons changing and twice the pay for the same job a dirt cheap Mexican will do for...a quarter a week. Something like that. These fucking bastards have to take everyday simple shit that the rest of us "make do" with and spout off about it not being good enough. Fuck them, right?

Damn right.

      I'd say, absolutely! Fuck 'em good and long with big rubber dick named "tough shit". I'll admit though, sometimes, this belief in not accepting the "everyday" can be a good thing. If applied in the right way, it can lead to many positive changes in the world. Well, for instance, inspiring slaves to take up the fight for freedom, advancing the world through the perseverance and commitment to an "unconventional" idea that would, indeed, better mankind and the world or convincing  a conservative that equal rights isn't a bad idea are noble applications. I'm not after the people trying to make this a better world by not settling for what they've been given. Not by a long shot. If you have a better idea. I'm all ears. God knows I'll never have any. I'm useless. I'm good for consuming goods and magically producing sperm by repeatedly stroking my dong. By all means, change the world rebel. I hope it works. Alas, I'm not talking about THOSE people who won't settle...I'm talking about the shit bags that just plain fucking whine! Really, sometimes it's liberating to not accept the norm and forge a better way. Hell, do it! I'm simply saying a lot of the time, it's just a fucking whiner being a dick hole.

Whiner. Dick hole. Right here!

      Rather than bore the shit out of you by bashing every tard that's guilty of this, because that's a looooong list  of tards. Instead, I'll narrow it down to a group bizarre fucks that really baffles me. A little tribe, who I feel, have lost their way in this great and vast world. A squad who can't accept, what is in every way, one of the best fucking things ever...EVER! It boggles the mind that somehow, in some way, the notion that it could be made better was brought into consideration. Who knows where it began, I would love to meet the guy who thought it up and look him over in revulsion. Revulsion in the idea that the bastard had the audacity to try and tinker with something so exquisite. Dammit, you just went...too far. I know, that everything can be made better to a certain extent, don't get me wrong. A living chicken can always be made better with little batter and deep frying. A regular every day monkey is never as cool as a monkey who masturbates in front of school children then, flings his shit at zoo patrons while smiling. Never. I understand that. The group I'm referring to has taken something supremely awesome and turned it deadly. What sense does that make? Tell me...what fuck in his right mind strangles himself while jerking off? Who the fuck thought this shit up? Hoooly fuck!

I'm blowin' my load!

      What the fuck has happened to us as a people, when the sacred art of jerking off isn't good enough any more? I mean, come on! Did these poor fuckers exhaust every other mean of getting off up to and including blow up sheep? Really, there's a whole industrial empires built on the development of new lotions and various...whackin' devices the off hand, miracle chance you did get bored. There are a gazillion other things you can try that won't have you ending your life in the most embarrassing way possible. Well, wait a minute...I can think of a few MORE embarrassing ways. I'll save that for another blog. Anyway, you can go through ALL of that lotion and mechanical tug and play before you finally come to choking yourself while "fiddling the flesh flute"! Yeah, I was going to go with a choking your chicken joke back there, but, I figure you probably would have seen that coming. Hahaha OH! I said "seen that coming". SKEET! Ah well, anyway, shit, pick up a flesh light and give that a work over. Leave the noose's where they belong...

He knows what to do with them...and it doesn't involve fucking yourself. 
Just fucking others.

      I think what needs to happen is a healthier view toward masturbation and a revamping of dating as a form of sexual compatibility confirmation or at least widening the aspect of banging a hooker. If you've run out of ways to "choke Kojak", you need to seriously think about moving your whole "self gratification" agenda energy to getting some pussy, my friend. There are tons of women out there, that are similar to you, that are tired of doing the "two finger tango", seek 'em out! Of course I don't mean to offend the ladies...any more than usual, but, it's hard to find a case of a chick throat roping themselves while "working out at the Y". Ladies, if "slappin' the crack" ever gets boring. Let me know, I might know some fellas that might help you out. It might take them a little time to understand that maybe, just maybe, banging a woman is, way better than possibly collapsing a wind pipe. might want to hurry ladies. A lot of these guys are almost to the point of choking themselves retarded...while choking themselves retarded.

Too late.

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