Friday, September 2, 2011

Jailed Youth and Sharing The Love

Ah, watching "Scared Straight". There's nothing like watching thug kids getting threatened with prison sodomy. It makes me all "feel good movie of the year". The threat of violence toward someone who knows you can't hurt them always seemed like an extremely moot point. Nothing screams empty gesture like a cop being filmed and under the supervision of the parents saying "Whatchoo got tah say now,punk? You know what I could do to you?" and the 16 year old delinquent replying with "You cooould be kind enough to suck my left nut whilst...your wife strokes me shaft, good sir." There's really no point is there? Ah, but, there can be. I have your solution. depends on how I'm feeling at the moment, it's late.

1. The "Guilt By Association" 

Talk to the parents. Have the parents tell the authority types all about the awful shit their idiot kid has been doing. More importantly, have the parents tell you about the idiot kids THEIR idiot kid hangs out with and all the bullshit they've been up to...too. I'm never sure how to do the two too's. Anyway, take said info and gather up the rest of the Keystone Kops for a raid. Bring the offending junior felon along for the ride. Litter him with the obligatory "Is this where you want to end up" horse shit cop types tend to throw at kids. Why do they do that anyway? What kid is going to say, "Yep, it's been a dream of mine for a while, sir. You nailed it. Turning tricks in a cell block for cigarettes so my cell mate pimp doesn't whip me seems like a tiny slice of heaven. You've got your finger firmly on the pulse of today's youth, officer. Insightful isn't a strong enough word you...dare I say it...psychic cop?" No kid wants prison, even if they are putting on false bravado and want not. Kids are stupid. I should know, I was one...still am, kinda. Regardless. Take the little jerk along for the raid ride. When you pull up, shock and awe, reveal it's their homie's house!. Kick in the door. Do a proper rousting of the local thuggery, all the while Showing the impressionable Tupac in training the ropes. Oh, and when you're escorting their meth dealing super friend out the door to the waiting arms of sweet mother law, have an officer proclaim proudly, "Thanks to all of your information, kid. We never could have done it without you."


2. The Pressure Test

Low and behold, nothing gets a man loving freedom faster than the threat of involuntary ass rape. Yeah, I know, you're saying, "Elton, isn't ALL rape involuntary? Jack ass." On some level I totally agree. I'm just trying not to alienate the the sliver of the gay/straight community who might feel that that voluntary rape is their forte and DAMMIT who am I to argue with what get's another persons genitalia happy? Live and let long as it's living and let living between two or more consensual beings. Let's keep it all civil. THIS ISN'T PRISON! I digress. The threat of forcing a man to give up his well protected brown eye is a strong one. It drives some men to ignorant hate crimes, some to unspeakable prejudice, some to well...not be voluntarily raped. I see it as a tool to be used! Now, don't get me wrong. Butt sex is fine. You want to get down like that, who am I to argue? You fella's have at it. I'm talking about the RAPE portion of the whole sexual experience. Nobody wants to be raped. It's just...bad. Ewwww yuck bad just fucking bad! (sigh). Disgusting as it is, it happens...and for guys it happens in prison more often than...I don't know...a car. Hey, it happens to women too. The horrible, violent aspect and it's trauma are what I'm talking about. They never have victims of the horrible things that happen to prisoners speak up and talk frankly. It's always the big bruiser, smash your face in with my lightning fists of rage guys that seem to get mic time. I don't know about you, but, hearing someone talk about how he beats the shit out of the prison world with his hulk smash differs wildly from hearing a guy talk about how half a dozen guys plug and played his ass. My attention is firmly on how not to get my nether regions drilled out, fuck the Popeye wanna be. 

No thank you. 

1 comment:

  1. Elo this is so great you are just too funny . Keep them coming buddy im adding this to my fav's and checking everyday! <3 Ty


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