Monday, July 9, 2012

Communicating Monkeys

Currently, I am at work, which is why this post won't have stock photos from my "stock photography fetish folder". It's a special folder I often use for "special projects" (e.g. masturbating in confused, teary-eyed shame). Nor will this make much sense, as I'm always a bit short of that while I'm here. I blame that on arrant fumes and impossibly stupid people.

It's also the reason I'm writing about communication...especially between monkeys.

While quietly watching other people avoid work by yammering on and on about their problems, something occurred to me. Monkeys always seem to know what other monkeys are saying, yet, if you put two people who speak different languages together, they talk and act like oxygen deprived morons.

We can't help it. The other asshole doesn't speak my lingo, what the fuck do we do? We cry in desperation and fear, then resort to stock photography masturbating...or something similar to that. Monkeys, however, don't have that problem...or do they?

Maybe monkeys have always had that problem, just like us. It would make sense, due to ancestry and our species ability to look dashing in top hats and diapers... at the same time.

So, like us, they solve their problem in a similar fashion, by miming gestures (e.g. making a yawning gesture to mean "sleepy", a cup drinking gesture to mean "thirsty", a dick stroking motion to mean "ready to party", etc.).

Yet, simian gestures might be entirely alien from our own. For instance, throwing shit might mean, "I like to shit EVERYWHERE!" or on a more mundane note, perhaps a monkey fingering it's own ass indicates "boredom and reluctant self-entertainment due to unexciting activity among it's peers" or it could just like fingering it's ass. Who knows, I'm not a monkey.


  1. I know what you mean, the guy in the neighboring cubicle is fingering his ass at this very moment. Perhaps I should fling some of my shit over to let him know I'm down to get a little crazy.

    1. Sir...this is the most brilliant comment I have read in a long, long time. I am applauding. Thank you.


Comment. Lest your fear consume you, cry baby.