Wednesday, September 26, 2012

3 Famous School Drop-outs

      School days are here again. The kids are clamoring for school supplies, ammunition and toaster strudel, the parents--clamoring for vodka. It's a joyous time of year, indeed. I'm so elated I've taken up electroshock therapy...just to make the smiles go away.

      I'm on the parenting side of school these days, so, my view of school is far different now. When I was school bound, I hated almost every minute of it; the bus, the desks, the acrid stench of failure, it was hellish. Everyone has to suffer through it, it's the way of the world. Without it, an education that is, you get dicked, hard. There's no real future without an education; no money, no career, no future--nothing. Nothing but a big pile of "stupid ass" with a swirl of "fuck you" on top. Right? Well...

      As a tribute to those of us who saw school as a long, drawn out, "random boner" hiding bullshit-o-thon, I present...a few famous drop outs...for your "Wha? That's fucked up! What the fuck did I stay in school for?!" consideration.

Walt "King Hustla" Disney


      Walt Disney, the genius that painted the backdrop of our childhoods...was a drop out. He dropped out of school at age 16 to join the Army and fight in WWI. Alas, because the military wasn't as willing to sacrifice children as a means to victory as it is today, poor Walt was deemed too young and pretty to go warring with the adults. So, he joined the Red Cross instead, becoming an ambulance driver, toting around wounded folks. 

The real kicker for me is this: Walt Disney was rich and famous for things he didn't even do! He couldn't draw and hardly animated anything. He couldn't even draw Mickey Mouse, Ub Iwerks did. Yet, the drop out ambulance driver headed one of the most successful animation studios in history. How? Because fuck you...that's how. Some drop outs have all the luck.

“Our greatest natural resource is the minds of our children.” 
-Walt Disney on education.

Samuel "Pimptastic" Clemens 
(Mark Twain)

Mark Twain in his "poon-chasin'" days. 

      It was during the days of homemade whiskey, socially acceptable gun shooting and productive racism (slavery), that Mark Twain was schooled. Sammy Clemens was your regular, run of the mill school kid and, I'm assuming, pipe smoking hellion. I believe smoking was mandatory back then. Regardless, Clemens went to school until the rip old age of 11 before dropping out. He did it, largely because of the death of his father. Who could blame him? When the resident belt wielder in the house hell with school!

The real kicker for me is this: Having forgone an education and instead, educating himself via libraries and life experience, Samuel Clemens was awarded an honorary doctorate from Oxford. His works are also required reading in some high schools and colleges. So, in essence, a guy, who dropped out at 11, not only had a degree you probably can't get, but, is also author of required reading you'll need to complete in order to get your lesser crappy degree.

"Education consists mainly in what we have unlearned."
- Mark Twain's Notebook, 1898

Charles "Mighty Big" Dickens

Chuck Dickens giving you his "do me" eyes.

      Life sucked a lot of balls in the old days. Streets were filled with actual shit back then, porn wasn't free and...ready for this?--no deodorant. Those funky, disgusting points aside, life was a bit of a bitch--even more so for Charles Dickens. He grew up the son of a guy who lived a champagne life...on a Kool-Aid budget. 

      One day it caught up to Charles's dad and he was sent to debtors prison (they had those). The custom, because society was a cruel, unfeeling monster, was that your family accompanied you. So, to help the Dickens tribe financially, Charles had to leave school at age 15 and work in a factory. 

      Later, he did go back and take a few classes, but, then, went off to work as a clerk in a lawyers office. While doing so, he taught himself short hand (on the side). He then, used THAT skill to get a job as a journalist, which, apparently, they gave to anyone who could scribble things down quickly. So, in review, Charles Dickens went to school, dropped out, went back, then, left to get an office gig, only to teach himself a skill that would lead to fame and riches. Get that? He taught himself. DICKENS - 1, SCHOOL - 0. The rest, as they say, is...fame and fortune and a thousand other reasons to hate Charles Dickens. What a bastard.

The real kicker for me is this: His work is ALSO required reading for, not only high school but, college as well. So, again, the real lesson is...teach yourself something that will augment your talent and exploit the hell out of it. If you do it right and with a little luck, you don't even NEED school! Brilliant. I'm off to learn short hand. That's...code for masturbating...right?

Love is in all things a most wonderful teacher . . .
- Charles Dickens


  1. I recently went to Disney World and ended up watching a short film about Walt Disney's life. I was shocked at how poor his drawing skills actually were. No better than mine. He is the quintessential "ideas man".

    1. Was that during one of their showing of "It's A Small Brainwashed World". I love that film! It shows the brilliance of Walt Disney's genius, imagination and how we should never ever question his judgement, lest we burn in the fires of a poorly drawn hell...forever.

  2. Sometimes you're just born with a talent or know what you want to do with such a passion you don't need college. Disney's passion was antisemitism and smoking bales of cigarettes daily whilst forcing artists into indentured servitude. Ah the visionary.

    1. Hey,'s not called indentured servitude, it's called "imagineering".

  3. You've inspired me. I'm going to invent a time machine, go back a few years, and drop out of school.
    While I'm there, I'll also finally be able to tell Betty Morgan what a bitch she always was to me. This is gonna be sweet!

    1. If and when you finally time travel, please my younger version and tell him to go to college...and invest in Yahoo, Microsoft, destroy Apple and invent something called an iPod.


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