The sun sinks below the horizon, ending another day in the real world...and I go to work. My shit packed up, I drive a half hour to labor amid the wee hours. What for? Money. Always the fucking money. The shitting shit I do for money. It's ridiculous. It's not just me either, there are thousands of people, plodding through night after night, barely hanging on to sanity for that sweet pay check. I would say that it sucks balls, but, that would be degrading the act of sucking balls. Why would anyone do this shit to themselves? It's like, stapling your own ass...with a jack hammer made of bullshit! Actually, that...might be better because...
WORKING OVER NIGHT KILLS YOU
I'm half dead anyway.
Directly from the Consortium of Painfully Obvious Studies, scientists, after I assume a bender including paint thinner and homemade absinthe, figured that working overnight increases your chances of developing a cardiovascular disease by 40%. The increase was linked to the human body's natural increased blood flow in the morning. It's like an all over boner your body has for the sun. That, in turn, is caused by circadian rhythms or a natural timing your body has with day and night. Think of it as your body synchronizing Swatches with the sun. When that's out of sorts it up's your heart, I surmise, is weakened. What a slap in the dick!
Being a drone, who also works overnight, I'm slightly terrified by this. At any moment, my heart could seize up like an un-oiled car engine due to disease, leaving me to sputter, vomit and shit myself in full view of hapless co-workers and strangers! What the hell? I like my heart. It's been with me a long time and thumping along like a poorly tuned banjo. If I had known working over night would do this I wouldn't have...pff...who am I kidding. I need the money. It's always the money.
YOU MIGHT JUST KILL YOURSELF
He's just sleep...oh, no....no, he's dead. Pills...sad.
I've been suicidal since the age of 6. I'd try to slash my wrists with weaponry usually reserved for G.I. Joe figures. Alas, I failed and here I sit, alive, for it seems that laziness, procrastination and busy scheduling trump suicidal tendencies. Who knew?
It doesn't solve my entire dilemma, however, for it seems overnight shifts may be shoving me off the proverbial depression cliff into self murder land. According to OTHER scientists, working nights can cause depression, anxiety and loss of energy. All of which amount to a basic recipe for premature world exiting with a side order of "right fucking now!". Having worked a night shift job for many years, I can see this possibility.
You're not getting enough sun exposure, your skin looks like it was exfoliated by Satan's stubbly scrotum sack and lack of giving a shit due to non-sleep, can drive anyone mad. Coupled with the increase of accidents that happen over night and early morning increases the chances of dying. What the hell would drive someone to work a shift that could lead to...oh, money. AGAIN!
SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR FRIENDS
Not that I have very many friends to begin with but, working over night means I'll have less. Despite the coolness often associated with working over night...wait...there...is nothing cool about it. Regardless, some fucking poll or another was taken among pissed off over night workers regarding their social lives. It turns out...they don't have one!
Working the late shift means, unless you're on speed or a mythic creature that's high on life, you sleep during the day. While you're doing that, the rest of the world is doing normal, day light things like...Facebooking, calling each other assholes and begging each other for attention. As a night walking wage slave, you miss out on the good stuff and by the time you come out of your day coma, everyone else is done. You're either behind everyone else or not involved at all. It's a headache, especially if you're one of those rare examples of humanity that...(gulp) like other people.
Even when you do get a chance to hang out with friends or run errands on a day off, you're tired and fucked up, due to, again, your circadian rhythms being out of whack. So, it feels like you're either half asleep during these engagements or playing catch up with a barely functioning brain. Eventually, you just say to hell with it and become isolated and depressed. What the hell is wrong with people that they would do this...oh, right. Money.
So, I should bag the over night gig...but, until I fall ass over face into a pit filled with discarded money, I'm plenty fucked. It's okay though. I always have my heal--nope. DAMMIT, MONEY!