The Robin Williams Party We Never Threw {Pt. 1}

       A lot of people are posting about Robin Williams today. There are a genuine souls who wish to say something about the guy and what he meant to them, things he did or even how they met him, some who wish to examine or explain why Robin Williams, noted whatever would do such a thing. Then, there are a lot who want to cash in on the wake a celebrity death leaves behind.

I just here for the party he should have had.

I never met Robin Williams. I sincerely wish I did; starstruck and throw uppy as it would have made me. It would have been an anecdote I would have happily written on my tombstone.

When I was a kid, Robin Williams was a staple of late night HBO comedy. Be it his stand up specials or things like "Comic Relief", Robin Williams and his live wire delivery seemed a frequent visitor to my brain.

This was how I first saw Robin Williams:

               

He was just amazing.

      As a kid, watching him, I was enraptured. Here was a man bounding around the stage doing comedy, as no one I'd ever seen before. Now, I watched stand-up comedy voraciously back then, partly because it came on late and it was like a forbidden fruit. Comedy specials at midnight, when I should have been sleeping. Over time it evolved into so much more.

      I digress, normally, a comedian in a suit of some kind, would stand behind a mic, say their bits, say "fuck" a few times, there would be laughter etc., etc. Yet, this guy was different. He was like a living cartoon...making jokes about drugs (adult stuff), sex (also adult stuff) and a myriad of other things (probably adult stuff), but, he was also, a lot like me. His hands flailed about elastically, moved constantly and he spoke in cartoon voices. 

      Despite playing to a crowd of adults, I felt he was on my level too. He seemed like he could entertain anyone, anywhere, any age and everyone would be right with him...all the way. He turned into my best stand-up comedy friend.

      I grew up with Robin Williams, not in the Beatlesque sense, that he was my age and we were growing up together, but, like a member of the family who was hilarious and didn't edit himself around kids. He was astounding in every way for me, my being a someone who loved comedy and it's craft work. As I got older, my views changed but, my feeling for Robin's comedy didn't. It evolved. I watched his specials, his movies, recorded onto static laced VHS tapes and a lot of these too:

     

Thank you, Robin.

Every year, I used to sit through every "Comic Relief", recording it for future reference, until I discovered masturbation and all of it's glory. "Comic Relief" was like Christmas for comedy nerds.

      Robin Williams was there through every twist and turn in my comedic education, so to speak. His presence introduced me to new comedians, showed me that hidden adult-ish comedy could be any and everywhere. Hidden in a zillion voiced over cartoons, shows and movies, all the while.

      Subliminally, he also taught me that despite comedy and it's delivery being an "act", a performance, no matter what it is, movie, club or cartoon, should have some heart in it. It should have a little of you in there and never be a total lie. 

      I learned that from him, regardless of him never telling me himself, because I saw it in everything he did. As over the top as he was at times, you could always recognize a real, consistent, likeable Robin Williams underneath.

      He taught me many, many things about being funny. He taught me that improvisation is an exercise in both mental dexterity and timing, but, of sharp, keen understanding as well. He could read his audience and understand what they would and wouldn't get...and he pushed them gently to get more, all the while, exuding approachability and friendliness.

The mother fucker was brilliant, what can I say?

      The man is still one of the only comedians that ever pushed me to research what in the Hell he was referencing in his material. I had to know! When he did an impression I didn't recognize or an offhand remark I didn't get, I scoured my limited resources to find out, just so I could laugh at in a new way.

He was unspeakably mad, funny and astoundingly grand.

He was also broken.

He could have used a party...but, only the right kind...

{Part 2}

The Robin Williams Party We Never Threw {Pt. 2}

I'm a depressed person. Clinically so. I used to see a therapist about it, until I couldn't afford it anymore, but, alas, I got a diagnoses out of the deal, so, money well spent, I could say.

      However, to try to explain or say that one thing can cure it over another is beyond me and I won't belittle anyone's strife by saying I know a sure fire way to kick it. Partly, because I can't kick it myself, but, to also state that one person's reasons, pains and such are not the same as anyone else. So, to say what might have helped or would have solved it is pointless and more than a little arrogant.

      Robin Williams committed suicide for whatever reason and that's sad. I say that for selfish reasons. His death made me sad and for all the reasons I stated in part 1. I'll miss him and all that he's given me and although I never met or talked to the guy personally, I feel that the comedy light in the world has dimmed a bit.

Still, no matter how I couldn't "fix" Robin Williams's depression and the thought process that brought him to his ultimate decision to end himself, there's still something I think that would have been great.

A party.

A party for Robin Williams.

Robin Williams, during the course of his life attended many a party, I'm sure of that, but, one that may have been different, but, never happened would have been one of appreciation.

      Not a celebrity laden, empty, elbow rubbing who's who of money, fame and power, all of which seem to want something out of it. No. Just one of authenticity. A party filled with people who, by his mere presence in the world, made them better or changed them in some way. I would say a "tribute", but, all of those seem so fake and self serving.

      No, the party I'm thinking of would have been a showing of thanks; A gathering devoid of television cameras, paparazzi, selfies, autograph hounding and attention getting vultures. No showing of clips cut into a retrospective of a career or even dressing up for that matter. Simply, Thank Yous from regular people, who wanted nothing more than to let the man know how much he truly meant to them. How much he meant to them, just by being...him.

      A party of that magnitude would have been impossible, of course, logistically and otherwise. Whether it would have "cured" Mr. Williams of his blues and woes is neither here nor there, but, simply to say "Thank you, Robin, for being different. You're magical, sir, and I just wanted you to know that.", in person, would have been fantastic.

      That party couldn't have happened, though, I can't help but feel, that, that would have been a party worth throwing. If only to say a few, genuinely kind words to a man that made us all laugh and perhaps inadvertently gave so much more.

Goodbye, Mr. Williams and thank you, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.  

X, Y and Z are for Xesturgy, Yare and Zanyism

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4 Things Comedians Taught Me...that I completely f*cking ignored.

      I grew up on a steady diet of comedy, grease and sugar compressed into various animal shapes. Fighting the reluctance of my brain, heart and better judgement, I am still on that diet. There were times that I cheated on my horrific food tortures with healthier fair, and shit myself because of it. Comedy has always been a mainstay in my life. I believed it to be pure in it's ability to amuse. How I was wrong...how...I was wrong.

      My coming of age (meaning: time of discovering what boners are REALLY for) was during the comedic boom of the 90's. During those many hours of comedic indoctrination, I learned a lot of valuable life lessons: All Lawyers are cocaine chugging liars, traffic jams are comedy fuel, etc. etc. Oh, and all Jews are comedians...all of them.

...er...most of them

      Whilst being inundated with a steady flow of awesome comedy, I have to admit, early on, I didn't get a lot of it. It involved a lot of stuff that a kid just doesn't understand. Things about having a job, paying bills and shopping were foreign to me, as I didn't have to do them myself. So, like any normal American kid raised on rated R entertainment, I laughed at the fart jokes...of which there were plenty. Sure, as I got older, I understood more, but, some still eluded me. 

      A lot of comedy is about getting older. I didn't get the "I'm getting older and these are some of the problems of that shit" jokes. They seemed like the complaints about an age that was WAY in the future...like...30. I wasn't even close to that! Now...disturbingly...I know what those bastards were talking about...and it isn't funny. I mean, shit like...

Food Fucks You Up.

20 minutes later...she almost shit out her soul.

      Eating enormous amounts of bad food is never a problem when you're growing up. Shit, sometimes contests were made out of it (be it a personal challenge or one posed by of your dick nose friends). How many people have tried to eat a whole pizza by themselves? A lot of us. Some of us still do, but, with far different results. At some unknown time, food changed from ingredients like: eggs, cheese and meat, to farts, heartburn and the shits. 

      Comedians have been warning us for years. I didn't take them seriously. Fuck, they're comedians! I would laugh because what they were saying sounded implausible (Indigestion? Heart burn? hahaha...he said farting!). Well, now, I understand. All too well. 

      It happens very quickly too. One minute, you're cramming your face with God's best pizza with a mother fucking gusto! Ten minutes later, rushing to the bathroom squeezing cheeks together for fear of painting the pizza parlor with your saucy shit surprise. Fucking comedians...if only I had taken them more seriously. 

Everything Fucking Hurts

...and glows red and see through apparently

      Being and staying physically active is a noble goal for us all. It keeps us fit and reduces the amount of fat in our collective asses. So, do we do it? Fuck no. It is easier and arguably more fulfilling to sit, watch t.v. and masturb--whatever it is that YOU do while sitting. Being a lazy shit doesn't just happen over night, it takes years of practice and dedication. Many of those years are during the teen age, when your ass is in prime physical condition. Well, at least that's when I started anyway. You were probably hurdling cars and modeling for Ralph Lauren. Which, if you were...up yours, you non fat ass. 

      I digress. It doesn't matter, because, when you get older...your body starts saying, "Fuck you!". Everything you do seems to make it ache more! As for me...I'm a tub of shit, so, it doubles...or triples the pain. Comedians had warned me, in very funny terms, for YEARS. Did I listen? No. I thought...it...it doesn't matter. I'm in too much pain to think. Can you hand me some Cheetos? Ohhh...which reminds me...

Remember Memory?

THOUGHTS CENSORED BECAUSE THEY

 CONTAIN PENISES AND VAGINAS! 

      Aging melts your brain. It's just that simple. I think I read it...no, no, I'm SURE I read it on Huffington Post...or the Smoking Gun. Which is on the internet, making it automatically true. Alright, I lied. Aging just destroys your fucking memory. Seriously. 

      Comedians have made fun of memory loss since...uh...fuck. I can't remember, they fucking did...er...do though. It seemed like silly talk the first few times I heard it. You know the "Haha...the funny man is talking about forgetting his keys! Ooop. He says he found them in his girlfriend's vagina. Gross." jokes. They are hilarious...until they are absolutely fucking true. Whoa, no, no, hey...I didn't lose my keys in my girlfriend's vagina. I lost them up my ass...what the hell is wrong with you? Gross.

Fuck Losing Weight

Evolution of a fat ass.

      Holy shit, were comedians right on the money with this one. If I had acknowledged how easy it was to get fat as I got older, I would have...no, I probably wouldn't have changed anything. God damn it. Food tastes good! Especially the fucking bad food, which is another thing comedians taught me. All good food treats your body, like a South American bank laundering drug money. It seems tasty on the outset, eventually it's going to get you fucking killed. Viva La Drugas!

      It only gets mother fucking worse as you get older. Those funny fucks were right, yet again. They should have been more stern in their teachings. Hell, put a serious warning at the end of all those half-hour comedy specials: SOME OF THIS SHIT, SERIOUSLY HAPPENS! I wouldn't have listened. I would have guffawed and thought, "Huh, huhuhuh...them words is funny. Time tah eat!". Sorry, I reminisced in a slack jawed southern accent for a minute. It may have been due to a stroke, that was brought on by pork rinds I ate 4 years ago, which are still present in my colon. Mother...fucking...comedians.

      Now, as I type this, the words of a thousand some odd funny men ring in my ears. Testimony to my inability to find that kernel of truth which sometimes lies at the heart of what is...a joke. Heeding the unspoken lessons of comedians, now takes on a heralded note of importance. For they impart a multitude of truths regarding the human condition, with each bit of...who the fuck am I kidding? They tell jokes. I laugh. Only now...I REALLY get the punch line. Thanks funny men. Thank you.