Fox News: It's All About The Coloreds!

      Every four years, we in the glorious United States of Abraham, take a little time out of our speedy, self destructive, caffeine addicted lives to exercise one of the hard earned rights our troops, lawmakers and Benjamin Franklins died for. We skip rope to our favorite polling places and cast our votes for the out of touch, rich person we feel best represents our poorly constructed political views, in the least distorted way. It's a beautiful, bonafide laugh riot wrapped in a festival of crying...with stickers! Oh...and racism.

I peed as well, but, it warranted no sticker.

      According to several news organisations, mainly Fox News, race played a HUGE part in President Obama's win in the presidential election. Fox News and their ilk are a hilarious bunch. They seem to take the "That didn't hurt" mentality to matters regarding political dealings they don't like. 

      What the hell is the "That didn't hurt" mentality, you say? Oh, you know...don't you? When some kid feels the need to prove how toughy, tough he is, to the chagrin of others. Then, someone brings up a good arm slugging match to prove it, which the poor kid invariably takes part in. As the intensity of the slugging escalates, he continues to mutter, "That didn't hurt.", despite the tears streaming from his eyes and the snot rolling from his nostrils like a goopy badges of awkward shame. You think to yourself, what would drive a person to commit to so much pain to prove such an arbitrary and asinine point? Well, that's Fox News!

That didn't hurt.

      Using the deft wit that only Fox News can muster, they felt the need to write off Obama's win as a freak occurrence. Choosing to relegate it to "not enough white people voting" and not the more accurate "Mitt Romney is a blazing retard in a suit." as a reason for Obama's re-election. Hey, I'm all for pandering to the public's hate as a means to generate attention. It's why I wear a Conway Twitty t-shirt to Jay-Z concerts and eat pudding with chop sticks at Chinese resturants ("Sir, we have spoons." "What the hell are you inferring, racist?"), it get's people furious and talking about you, but come on "not enough white people voting"? 

      I'd expect something more creative from an organisation with Bill O'Reilly in their midst. Maybe a reason involving a marijuana fueled Kids Incorporated conspiracy, the NCAA drugging the water, which forces otherwise stoic conservatives to transform into "Obamazombies" that compulsively vote for him or homosexuality. See, I just thought of three perfectly viable "Fox News" quality reasons, yet, they went with race baiting. Lazy, thoughtless bastards. Still, stupid as their statements were...I partially agree. Race did play a role in Obama's win.

Hmm...I'm on the fence on whether I 

should say "coloreds" or "darkies" helped Obama win it. 

Decisions, decisions.

      If you'll allow me to get brain deadlingly sentimental for a moment, yes, race played an issue. The human race played an issue. It didn't matter what color the voters were, it was who they voted for that swung the win in Obama's favor--Obama and not Mitt. Mitt Romney, more or less, is a blisteringly stupid man bordering on monkey (if that monkey were hit in the head with a rubber hammer repeatedly and fed gasoline for a month).  The man is practically an animatronic puppet remote controlled from a boardroom full of CEO's. 

      Though, not to say that President Obama is any different, he just hides it better and with less jerky puppet movements. No, Obama didn't win because of a poor, poor white trash voter turn out, NAY, he won because the other guy was a blithering moron who called his constituency a bunch of freeloaders. Blaming a lack of white voters won't turn Mitt Romney into a viable candidate that got shafted because some good ol' boys didn't hit up the polls. It only shows the extremes that one has to go to, to make him seem viable.  

Fuck I Love Hate!

      I looove hateful people. All those extra O's are for all the extra love. I'm a giver. A giver of extra "O" love. Hateful people allow me to believe I am a decent and good person. Without hateful people, I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror. Not without sobbing uncontrollably and possibly urinating on myself in self deprecation. Luckily, episodes where those things do happen, are confined to the moment after the morning shit and tooth brushing.

The floaties are in case I cry a river.

      I can make it through my day, in large part, knowing that there are high profile, hate mongers trudging their way through the same world, I muck through. Their existence allows me to breath easy. Knowing that any hate I throw out into the world, is tiny in comparison to those bunch of walking rectal irritants. I love/hate epic hate peddlers like...

Ann Coulter

It's like she's burning your soul out with those eyes. Yikes.

      Ann Coulter is a right wing, lawyer pigeon from outer space. She's got pushes out more BTU's of hot political insanity, than an Ecstasy fueled political science co-ed. This bitch is crazy. Ugly, hate crazy. She hates Muslims, gays, liberals, freedom, intelligence, facts, sense, peace, style, poise, grace and I'm pretty sure living kittens. She is a bona fide lady lump of bat shit insanity with a book deal. I love her because when I want to feel argumentative, patriotic and right, which I do a lot. I watch this dumb bitch talk. She's a bucket of anger fueled stupidity with titties. Fugly titties. Watching this retarded chick ramble on about whatever controversial subject matter conservatives hate this week is a joy. Whether it's abortion, terrorists, prayer in school or book burning this vapid blonde has a statement. An obviously moronic hate slanted opinion, you might find yourself amazed hasn't gotten her beat to death yet. She's Rush Limbaugh with a pussy and just as attractive. What you might not understand is that this is how she makes money. She says outlandish shit so that she can sell her books that have equally outlandish shit in it. That is the only real reason for her hate bullshit. It's her schtick. If not, then, she's in the short line for a serious car bombing. 

Fox News

      These fuckin' guys. Holy shit. They spout hate laced non-facts like an anger lie chucking lawn sprinkler. Then, after riddling the ground with sloppy shit talk, they don't even don't apologize for the mess. When they're abso-fuckin'-lutely, cato-fuckin'-strophically wrong, it's not their fault, it's everyone else's. It's basically the same shit Ann Coulter does except it's calling itself a news network. The most vile nonsensical politicizing shit they can get away with is on this channel 24/7. None of it's actual news. It's more like, fitful angry ranting by conservative white guys. Let me clarify. Imagine we time warped back to post civil war America. We invent the t.v. We set up the standard networks, including: Cartoon Network, CSPAN, Food Network and a few of those naughty channels involving obscene things with farm equipment. The one's you don't rent, but, kinda do "just to see". Now, if large communities/groups all got their own representative channel (ala BET), Fox News would be the disgruntled white plantation owners network. Though, they aren't blatant about it, Fox News likes to spread bullshit around like a televangelist spreading donation banter. Normally, I view Fox News with a morbid curiosity, as I do most U.S. news networks. Most seem to have picked a side in the great Democrat, Republican idiocy war. I wouldn't normally care, if it wasn't for the fact that they still call themselves "news" networks. They are to news what an "escort" is to hooking. The escorts say they're just payed to attend a party with you, even while they're sucking your dick hooker style. I like Fox News because they demonstrate,on a regular basis, that there's a large majority of people that watch this bullshit. Why would I like that? Because knowing those people exist and watch that shit, makes me feel smarter than those people. How can you NOT like that?

Nutty Rich People

Yaaaay! I almost own everything!

      Okay, maybe hateful is a strong word for this group of people. I mean, if it wasn't for we slaving lower and middle class, they wouldn't have any money. Why the hate, right? Well, perhaps it's not hate, but, discriminatory...in who to kill. Apparently there are a couple of really rich bastards (Ted Turner and Bill Gates to name a couple), that believe the world would run a lot smoother, with a lot less of air breathers on it. Be it through extraneous vaccinations or just plain whackin' a large swath of people, these rich pricks are down for thinning out the lower end. Where do they get off, right? Well, they get off with a lot of fucking money. Bill Gates uses his Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation to buy vaccinations for poor people in third world countries. This is in hopes that the vaccinations will some how turn their immune systems into overused junk, much like a well worn prostitute. So, when the next real pants shitting, pandemic comes round, those people will be ripe for the dying. The idea behind the vaccinations and the killing of less desirable people falls back to something called eugenics. It's the idea that less is more. Cut out the "less than ideal" population and the smarter "ideal" people can thrive. Who are the "ideal"? You guessed it...rich people. I think it's great when crazy people are rich and full of moronic ideas. It goes to show that even high up on the monetary chain...there are still complete fucking idiots. So, I don't feel so bad. 

I'd like to go on record as saying, 

"Killing anyone that isn't me is perfectly fine with me."

Let's All Protest For...Something?

      I don't claim to be an expert on the subject of politics. Anything that takes longer than "titties" to explain and I could care less about. Usually, I chock it up to white devils yelling and lying to a bunch of other white devils who do the same thing, all in the name of drowning kittens. Sorry, I get a lot of my political philosophy from second hand anecdotes told by the homeless guy down the street. Let me tell you, a fifth of gin, a cigarette buys you a lot of crazy "Kennedy was a Nazi spy for aliens" stories. Who am I to pass up political, stimulating entertainment like that? I digress. Honestly, I just try to sift through the bullshit that politicians give me, the best I can. Lately, I have been reading up on this Occupy Wall Street thing every so often and it's getting to be a big fucking deal.

Now approaching "big fucking deal" status

      The protests aren't what I read for. People protest all the time. No one gives a flying fuck all the time, and that's nothing new either. What I read to find out is, what's the fucking point? Believe me, I mean that in the kindest sense. Anytime masses of people get together for anything other than burning an effigy of me, I'm all for it. I might even join in, if I can over come my fear of crowds, without the inevitable pants shitting happening first. I think money might motivate me to join more. If I can sell a crowd of confused, anti-something protesters some t-shirts, hot dogs and nipple clamps, Elton has a happy day. Excluding my willingness to take advantage of an angry mob fiscally, I have yet to find a point for the mob. What do they want?

YEEEAAaahh..ahh...huh...what?

      According to information gathered from the myriad of non-sexualized sites I look at, they've all taken a stab at it. They seem to think they want...student loan relief. That's it. What the fuck, guys? Really? Fuck. I mean, student loans are a big deal. Student loan debt is now out pacing actual credit card debt now. I can see how that's a big concern, for some. What about the heaps of other shit people are concerned with? Like, well, I suppose a short, consolidated, ADHD concern list might look like this: jobs, removal of the lobbyist system, revamping corporate tax codes for job growth stipulation, arrest of those most directly involved in causing the financial crisis, free weed.

Yeah, and...we want...wait...I forgot what I was going to say. 

No seriously. I forgot...wait...wait...uhhmm...

potato chips would be SOOOOooo good right now.

      Okay, free weed taken off the table, what remains seems like a good start to me. It would be something at least. As of right now, the "movement's" direction so far, seems pretty aimless. Which is a bitch, because, that many people, without a point is a dangerous thing. All anyone has to do is wait you out. Eventually, those people will get bored or find another cause to jump behind. Maybe even get violent. Humans are fickle like that. Another reason to find a direction...and soon, is that, if the Occupy Wall Street movement doesn't, some one else will. One that might not fit, but, will be deemed "good enough" by the media. Then, my foggy minded protesting friends, you might not like the moniker but, it will be too late. 

They've got one waiting in the wings. 

I think it's something like, left wing, freedom hating, puppy stabbing, 

baby murdering, homosexual wedding planners.