Drunks Know Right from Wrong? No shit.

      I look around the internet a lot and sometimes...I am amazed by the idiotic bullshit that passes for fucking news. MSN has an article up that says, people that fuck shit up while drunk shouldn't blame the alcohol, because they knew what they were doing the whole time. They just didn't give a shit when they did it. Well...no...shit, MSN. Alcohol lowers a persons inhibitions, not cause amnesia. How many thousands of dollars did they blow on that study? They should have just given it to me instead. I would have shot them straight...or at least told them what they wanted to hear...using my best Chris Rock impersonation.

Drunks know what they doin'!

      Did it really take a study performed by an team of, I'm hoping, bright scientific types, to clear this shit up? Have we been lying to ourselves so long that we need a troop of lab coated theory jockeys to help us out with the truth? Did I just use the word jockeys in referring to fuckin' scientists? I find it disheartening as a person that we'd waste this much time, money and effort to discover what we already know. We know we do stupid shit when we're drunk. We also know what we KNOW it's a mistake. The alcohol just makes it easier to do. People have been doing mind boggling shit while drunk for millennia. Fuck, start clicking randomly on YouTube and you're bound to run into half a dozen "Guy shits on his own face while drunk" videos. Okay, maybe not that extreme...but, close.

Juss...gimme a minute...I'll..shit on muh face.

      So, why did it take a group of scientists to tell us what we already know? Because, deep down inside, we wanted to believe, that the bullshit we do while shit faced, can be blamed on something else. That might seem like a "no shit' conclusion, but, the level of denial associated with it is staggering. People do it everyday. "Couldn't make my rent last month because the price of gas keeps going up.", you say. "Are you sure it's not from the $500 "authentic" Star Trek officer's uniform with the optional crotchless pants and real working phaser?". "Um...nope, nope, it was the gas.". Riiight. See, it's human nature not to want to shoulder blame. The further you are removed from the "bad shit obviously dumb ass mistake", the more you feel that deep down inside, you're still a reasonable person who makes mostly good decisions. Hey, I'm not saying you're not, just that, blaming alcohol and other shit for mistakes isn't exactly shouldering blame and being honest with yourself is it? 

In-fuckin-fallible

      "Alcohol at least made my mistake, of flashing a nun, easier to happen, right? I'm not totally to blame.".  That's like saying, "It wasn't my fault I pissed on your shoe...and leg...part of your hand and face, the bathrooms were all occupied, I couldn't help it. Dammit, if it weren't for those damn crowded bathrooms...". The desire to do whatever it is you did, while trashed out of your gourd, was always there. Okay, maybe the movie theater you entered while drunk was your buddy's idea...but, standing in front of the screen with your dick hanging out...doing the Macarena, that was all you. 

Wearing that ugly shit to the party...was all you too. 

      See, diminishing inhibitions isn't the removal of knowing right from wrong, it merely empowers you to follow through with whatever you desire at the time. If that desire is some guilty pleasure, that you know to be wrong, you're now more likely to indulge it. The same would apply the other way, if have a great desire to give to charity, you'll indulge that without factoring in an inhibitory response when shit faced. So, you'll write a check out for $1,000 bucks to Saint Martha's School for Degenerate Asshole Children, because you wanted to do that. Normally, you'd say, "I'd love to give a thousand bucks, but, I don't have a $1,000 bucks to give.". Well, after some hard drinking, you're the charitable mother fucker you always wanted to be.You wanted to do it all along, the liquor just took that pesky "inhibition" and lowered it, now you're the worlds poorest philanthropist! 

Well, at least those fucking kids will get to eat.

      The same thing applies to all that "fucking" people do when drunk. Which, I hear for some, is an unpleasant situation in the morning. It happens when you bang an ugly chick/dude. Sure, alcohol can cause beer goggles...to an extent, but, still. You banged that butt ugly dude or chick because you wanted that ASS...by ass I mean the sex. Before everybody get's all whacked out and stupid on me, I'm talking about consensual sex. Raping somebody because they, you or both are drunk is a lot different. That's more in line with what I was talking about up there. You raped whomever because you desired to, which, alcohol or not makes you WAY fucking wrong. Therefore, a lengthy prison sentence and a possibly catching a ride on the rape train yourself is something you absolutely fucking deserve. You fucked up prick.

Rapist's are their favorite.

      This isn't some guilt trip about drinking. I like to get ripped every once in a while too. There's nothing wrong with  recreational drinking...now and then. It's when you use it as an excuse for your asshole behavior is where the bullshit starts. Get drunk, be happy, that's fine. Before you do however, keep in mind that if you decide the best place to keep your beer bottle is your ass, it's because of you, not what you're drinking. If you feel like you absolutely need to tell a parking meter, about how aliens have taken everything from you; job, home, car, pride, hygienic responsibility, the last 3 inches of your cock, etc. You might want to talk to a therapist before passing out in a school playground...sans pants. 

Well, at least he kept his pants on.