Halloween used to mean so much to me when I was little. Taking candy from strangers, running around after the sun goes down and flirting with the possibility of being poisoned by child murderers were what it was all about. Roaming the streets visiting each house ever so briefly as you and the rest of kiddiedom go house to house in an assembly line fashion. A bulk of everyone's Halloweens are like this. Later, all of these early Halloweens blur, into a collective memory of your perfect, Halloween. It's bullshit, but, hey, what isn't these days, right?
Everything was perfect, except that we all had
homemade costumes designed by
the same people that made shit.
The reality was probably a lot different than the sepia toned, candy coated dream you remember. The truth is, you were stingy, competitive, no holds barred hellions. We all were. If you've ever fought off a candy thieving parent or sibling for a grabbing your snack sized Snickers or got pissed because someone was handing out "shit" candy, you know what I mean. Halloween meant candy, YOUR candy, plain and simple. We'd leave the house at the perfect time to get the best, most appealing candy. Only the choice stuff would do. Then, we'd creep from house to house for hours...gathering. Sometimes, we'd even dump our hoards into bigger bags, so as to fool the candy givers into doling out more, because it looks as though we have so little. Suckers. Every year we'd wait, salivating at the sweet booty we would procure. Booty meaning...treasure...not ass.
Unless the ass explicitly says pirates booty on it.
Plotting routes, figuring out which neighborhoods were the best for "quality" candy. Quality meaning, not tasting like chalk and dried cow shit. It was all a huge game and whomever had the best plan won. Your itinerary had to be solid, for everyone was against you. Why? Are you kidding? The prize was childhood gold...the mythical "free candy". Everyone wanted that shit, anyone that didn't was either an adult, trying to act like an adult or was trained to identify candy with pain. So, the candy chugging kid majority fanned out, in all directions, like an army of junkies...except mostly coherent and mostly not willing to suck dick for it. Fuck, if that "free candy" didn't take an ass load of work to get. Though, at the time it didn't seem like it. I suppose it takes an aged hindsight to see the immense amount of sweat it took to get that "free" shit. What else would you call trekking through miles of neighborhood for a few pounds of candy? These days, I can hop in a car and go buy more fucking candy than I ever got any Halloween hike. Ah, but, kids are stupid and can't drive...nor do they have the ability to effectively convince an adult to buy them multiple pounds of candy. I know, I was one of them.
Though, some where clearly more
stupid than any of us.
Those Halloweens when you're young make up the bulk of the Halloweening experience. Later, Halloween became less about the candy, than about the socializing. Hanging out with friends, dressed like whatever passed for clever at the time. Candy wasn't the main draw anymore, though, it never totally leaves a persons "things of value" radar. As older kids, we dressed up for attention and less for the candy gathering aspects of the event. When you're little, the costumes are a nifty cosmetic addition to the candy harvesting madness. It's neat to dress up as Superman, G.I. Joe or Barbie, but, it's all about the candy really. Kinda like, how it's nice to think of Christmas as the peace on Earth, Jesus's birthday, give a wino a blanket holiday, sure. When in reality, it's just about getting fucking presents. No?
Then explain the gift masturbation
maneuver to find out what's inside?
When you're older, it's all about the costume and what it says about you. Who the fuck wants to hang out with the lame ass, that dressed like a fucking hobo clown? Fuck that guy. Ah, but, the ax murder doused in a healthy swath of fake blood, he might be a tad cooler. It was all about the costume for a while. Then, you might have hit that "I'll just hand out candy and not be dork loser aping for candy despite being too old" phase. Later, some of us pick it up again and attend parties, re-costumed in "adult" themed garb and ironically childlike disguises. Only now, it's less about Halloween than, amusing party goers for 2 minutes, while you make your way to the booze and try to impress the chick that came as the hot nurse.
So...are you down for some boning
or should I just keep drinking?
It's strange that the mystique and draw of Halloween shifts from candy to costume over time. I suppose there's a sociological study or some shit that could explain that. I'd like to take my drunken, belligerent stab at it if I may. A lot of people will say that, it's the one time of year you can fully express yourself, via costuming. The one time of year, that you are able to fully shed whatever notion of what everyone else thinks you are and live out who you really are. That's nonsense. When you're little, the costume represents something you like at the time, from an entertainment or aesthetic stand point. You dress like the cartoon or movie you like or maybe as the archetype you like, i.e. vampires, witches, etc. When you're older, your costume choice is for social purposes, attempting to one up or set yourself apart from the crowd. Finally, at the end of the line, the guise is to demonstrate a modicum of wit or irony with an adult themed spin. Sure, it's all fun, but, self expression? A fraction of what you'd think. The little kid wears the costume for the candy, the older kid, to impress friends, the adult, social affirmation of wit or "coolness" and maybe sex appeal. After all is said and done, it still breaks down to one thing...free candy. Is there something wrong with that? Not unless you're dressing up merely to expedite your serial killing spree with greater ease. Then, yeah, something's wrong...or not...which ever keeps me from being murdered.
Nothing wrong with a little dress up!
