Thursday, November 3, 2011

College...For Kids!

      I have a shit load of kids. How many is a "shit load" you ask? It's more than none. If you have any more than "none", you have a "shit load". Being that as it may, there's a lot of work that goes into maintaining a shit load of kids. There's the paying for copious amounts of their shit, by that, I mean, ALL of their shit. Oh, and news flash: kids never want to be involved with anything that's free. If they do, they probably have an agenda, like, selling dope to people involved in said "free activity". Which is a definite bad thing...unless they're splitting the profits with their siblings, then, at least they're sharing. Seriously, it's insane how much, of what an average kid does, costs fucking money. I remember doing all kinds of it was I did before discovering drunk. Unbeknownst to me and my child like abandon at that young and innocently retarded time...all of that cost a mother fuck load of money! In retrospect I feel kind of dickish, I mean, my poor, poor mother. What a drain I was on her finances. I'm sorry. Though, I have moved on from that, I mean, now I have upgraded to being a drain on society in general! Go progress!

My fellow drains and I were thinking of starting a band. 
It's tentative title is...Government Teat

      Regular kid expenses aside. The one that worries me. The one that keeps me up at night, snorting meth off of a toaster oven called college. Not so much the institution...but, the wads of stanky cash they want in order to get educated by them. Nowadays, it's kind of expected, in a way, that everybody needs to go to college. Rightly so, I suppose. To get the best information era jobs, you need top quality information. Who would have thought that they would want tons of sweet cash to educate people? I'm in the wrong business. I need to start a college. I probably wouldn't offer much in the way of...a "functional" education experience. It would be more like, me taking money to sit in a class room and silently stare down students...and throw erasers at them. Think that would fly? Probably not. I'm sure there's some bureaucratic red tape that would be holding back my education enterprises. Fuck the man!

Hi, I'm the Aryan archetype currently using your 
hard work for the betterment of myself...
otherwise known as..."The Man". Feel free to fuck me.

      Being poor fucking sucks. I'm not sure if you've heard about that before, I think it's trending on Twitter. Yep, there it is, right under "#you're a waste of sperm" and above "#hand rape is not a crime!". It does, seriously suck super balls, especially, when thinking about your children's (or in my case shit load of kids) future. Will I have enough to pay for their college? Well, if I win the lotto, like I have been strategically planning for decades, then, maybe. That is of course if there is anything left after filling a swimming pool with champagne flavored pudding, purchasing a senator and fornicating on the roof of Notre Dame de Paris with a "Playmate of The Year" dressed like a nun (all of which are on my bucket list). College is fucking expensive! It's only getting more expensive. It looks to be about 10% per year in some places. That's insanity is what that is, balls out insanity...on a stick. What do you get after blowing your money wad all over the schools face (i.e. graduation)? Loan debt and saturated career fields. Both of which lead...right here...


      Though, I am not happy with my children, toiling away to further themselves academically, only to manage/work alongside a bunch of greasy faced teenies (many of which are discovering their own boners, while rubbing up against a deep fryer), it might soon be the norm. Much like a high school diploma came to be viewed, only a couple of decades ago, a college degree will become the standard that every shlub will have to meet. It's a good and bad thing I suppose. I want all of my kids to go to college, but, I don't want to have to sell vital organs to do it. I want them to succeed in their lives, far better than my failing, worthless ass. Alas, in the end, it comes down to working with what I have to achieve what I need. Get that? Me either. It sounded really, really good in my head. Like a motivational speaker tossing out meaningless self help slogans. Believing is Achieving, Punk Bitches!

Sometimes, everything in my head 
sounds like, how this guy looks. Stylin'.