Saturday, April 7, 2012

E, F and G are for English Fucking Genius (A to Z Blogging Challenge)

      I had to wait a couple of days to post this...so the letters would match up with "English fucking genius". Though, I could have just posted it under "E" for English, the "fucking genius" just adds that extra kick. Besides...who doesn't like fucking? This was written by an "English fucking genius" named Addman. He has a brilliantly funny blog here and I'm fairly sure he likes fucking...though, I lack clear documentation. Go read his blog, well, after you read this first.

[unfunny pictures found, captioned and added by Elton]



Education By Music

      You may have heard the theory that playing music for your child from an early age can increase their intelligence. This rumour has single handedly kept classical music alive in the modern era, as expectant mothers flock to music stores to purchase that "thing by Schubert" or failing that, a bit of Beethoven. He was a music-making guy in them olden days, right?


or Gary Oldman's alter ego

      Despite exclusively paying for the upkeep of Classic FM and its endless stream of pretentious natter, these parents might be onto something. What if music does enhance your cranial capacity? I can safely say, that I have learned a lot from the music that I listen to. Although I can’t say I’ve listened to many symphonies. Nevertheless, perhaps those stupid brainiacs, in those white coats, were onto something after all.


WE'RE SCIENCE!


Perhaps Pop, Rock, and Rap can make positive contributions to our educational development. To argue the case in favour, here are some things that the music industry has taught me over the years:

  • If you like something, then you should most definitely put a ring on it. Unless that thing is a sandwich, because you might break a tooth.

  • The end of the world as we know it will somehow involve LEONARD BERNSTEIN!

  • If the roof, the roof, the roof is on fire, the best thing to do is to wait until the fire department arrive. If it turns out to be an electrical fire, water would only exacerbate the problem.

  • If a man tries to come in your home, and take your chrome, you are legally allowed to shoot him, even if he presents no further danger to you.

  • If you meet some young boys in a backstreet, the best response is to “rock your body”, and pray that they don’t mug you.

  • Women who are too "Bootilicious" will leave you unable to eat a gelatine-based dessert.

  • It is impossible to read anything written on a poker face, making this an ideal place to keep your secret notes.

  • Don’t answer your phone if Lionel Ritchie has taken a fancy to you:


      Based on this evidence, I believe that we can do away with schooling entirely. Kids can learn everything they need in life from pop stars, so why bother on an expensive state education when you can achieve the same result with a few CDs or a voucher for the iTunes store? More importantly, it’ll lower our taxes. Let’s do it!



6 comments:

  1. my! you like to curse the s$@& out those words!
    quite the commentary!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks for hosting me and thanks for the kind words. I like the term "English Fucking Genius" because it implies that I am good at sex, and I always enjoy perpetuating lies.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You deserve every bit of compliment sir. You're a funny man. As or the sex portion...I'm glad that you're glad.

      Delete
  3. This made my eyes tear up with laughter...or it could have been the smoke from my crack pipe. Whichever one, this post is bloody hilarious!

    ReplyDelete

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