Tuesday, July 24, 2012

5 Kinds of Moron At Every Job: #4 The Lazy College Kid

5 Kinds of Moron At Every Job: 

#4 The Lazy College Kid

You work...so I don't have to. 

      This prick, doesn't have a fucking degree yet. Yet, he believes that since he's in the process of getting one, he's entitled to the privleges associated with having one (e.g. being a counter productive bag of cocks). This douche is more than willing to let you do his share of--almost everything, except the easy stuff. He can usually handle that. What a fuckin' fuckhole. Why are there people like this? I blame college or the ideology associated with it...well, almost.

(handling the easy stuff)      

      I'm sympathetic to the notion of a college education equaling less physically demanding work. I grew up nourished on the teat of 80's/90's sitcoms! Most of which had at least one kid in college and that kid did fucking nothing...except occasionally wear hammer pants and rap badly. 

      They usually did less work in college than I do on a toilet...half an hour after a Taco Bell Grande Meal. Yeah, I know, "Life isn't like t.v.", you're saying. I know that and you know that, but, that doesn't mean our expectations know that. 

      In real life, attaining a higher education is a daunting task. There's a lot of alcohol consumption, masturbation calluses and heart damaging cholesterol from all the pizza, hot dogs and ramen consumed to avoid actual cooking. Plus, there's all the boring porno that's looked up instead of homework and all those fucking books with words in them. WORDS for Christ's sake. They want you to read--if you can fucking believe that. Then, there's the occasional shit side job that must be worked for extra weed money.

      It's still better than pissing life away, in some soul destroying job that involves heavy lifting, right? You're damned right! Oh, sure, there's the unpleasant side effect of becoming a hipster, maybe a cubicle slave or a fluffer for bestiality porn shoots. All of which rate higher than a bad case of hemorrhoids, gently massaged with sandpaper, but that can be lived with. Due to all that sweet, sweet degree enhanced cash flow that degree is going to get you! BIG MONEY! HOLLA!...holy shit, I just typed holla. I can feel the douche' bile rising in my throat. Gross.

Sand paper...hurts...so...good! No...no, it's 
like slowly murdering your own asshole.

      Before descending into the madness of hipster/donkey love, however, science  tells us (I'm assuming, due to making it up) that there's a good chance of becoming an "all around asshole". A big reason is due to the dreamy, fantastic life one envisions will happen after getting a degree. The "good life" with less work, more money and hot and cold running dick/pussy. It's unrealistic, sure, but, that's what dreaming is all about. Unless it gets out of hand and starts to affect the reality of "now". You know, the struggling, know nothing college twerp that's still in school and working the above mentioned shit ass job. 

      It's usually one of these heavy dreamers that starts unconsciously using their schooling, as an excuse to be lazy, ass-face on the job, way before any actual graduating happens. This is the essence of "The Lazy College Kid", we all know and love.

Cock!...or dick I'm undecided.

      Despite having the same relative position in the company as everybody else, his prospects of a future degree, he believes, affords him a disdain for the uneducated shlubs he works with. This view is often associated with people in managerial roles. This is why this dumb ass is often found to be chatting with low level management. Those he feels are his peers and in small ways, snubs those that are actually his peers. Why? Feeling the shitty job he's currently plodding through, is just an inconvenient stepping stone on his way to career based glory. His coworkers are to be regarded as underlings and represent the ilk he'll one day be charged with managing.

      Meanwhile, his current peers  will eventually be relegated to "Forgotten people I worked with, at this shitty job, I had while I was in school" stories. So, in some way, it's "okay" to defer a lot of the work load onto them and speak to them in condescending tones because...fuck em'...that's why. What a douche'.


      A college degree can get you a lot of things; large salaried jobs, happy ending massages on lunch breaks, box seats at local dog fights and hair loss to name a few. Hell, you might even garner a few favors from police officials, who will let you touch yourself in rest areas. What it can't get you is the respect, friendship and possible admiration of co-workers. That is a process that has to be refined over time...with a lot of shit jobs and it doesn't always work. It also doesn't teach you how ball sweatingly suck ass some jobs really are. 

She's meeting people AND getting paid!

     Low paying, menial labor gigs are great for steady cash to fund any aspiring beer pong champion but, for some people, it's their only source of income. Therefore, as someone who hopes to lead such people, they're also a well spring of knowledge regarding professionalism. Utilizing them correctly can go a long way to becoming a well rounded professional...in that career you hope your degree gets you. Ignoring what they can teach can turn you into a stupid ass that no one wants to work with. Which will piss on your stupid, dumb ass idiot parade of a future. No one likes working with dick. Not even that chick in the picture up there. Which is who you'll have to pay for ass because no one will like you.

      What you learn from those shitty jobs is painfully simple and easy to miss: hard work of any kind should be respected and those doing it well, in any station, deserve respect too. Especially those people who work those shitty jobs, day in and day out to put food on their respective tables. They might not be earning a college degree or using the job as a stepping stone to something better. For a lot of them...the shit job is...it. They do it to live and get by.

      It might seem bad but, in some ways it's not. Sometimes, you just get comfortable with what you do in life, eek out a living working hard and that's that. There's no harm in it. It might be hard, but, it pays. If you're satisfied with it, great. It might not be admirable but, it keeps the bill collectors at bay. So be it.

I looked up "not admirable" on Google 
and a picture of Bruce Lee dared me not to put it in here.
--Bruce lee always wins.

      Those people deserve the respect that doing a decent job entails. They don't deserve some scrotum wrinkle, jerk off leaching off their sweat, looking down his nose at their ill-perceived inferiority and belittles the very shit job that keeps them flush with electricity and food. People that do that are usually harmed in a parking lots with base ball bats at some future point or at least deserve to be.

      Milking a job at the expense of others is an asshole move that benefits no one. Learn to do a good job, as well as respect co-workers for their hard work and you'll find it carries over into a more fulfilling and rewarding career. One in which colleagues might actually...eventually...like you. Which, I'm told can be exchanged to some degree for free drinks and possible "champagne room" lap dances...at some future date.


  1. Funnily enough, I work for a charity and we tend to get these kind of people in quite often. It's especially funny when they come in as unpaid volunteer, then float around with a smug sense of superiority because they're doing charity work.

    1. It's the whole, "I'm part of the betterment of society, hence...YOU SHOULD KNEEL IN GRATITUDE!" aspect. Fucking college bastards or at least the ones who want to devote their time to good causes.

  2. Yeah, that's the problem, they still have dreams and aspirations and haven't had the reality of adulthood crush their will and spirit, so they still think they have the right to look down on people. Only time will make these little drunkards submit to humility.

    1. Is it weird that your comment inspired me want to kick the shit out of someone? And by someone, I mean anyone within easy fist reach. Great comment.

  3. Damn, my spirit has been crushed upon realizing how little my degree has helped me out in the working world. Sure, I work in the city, but it cost me thousands of dollars a year to get to my job. I am essentially making the same amount as I did as a line cook at Applebee's.

    And we have those college interns at my place. They are usually seen as working on the "sales team," but what's funny is WE DON'T FUCKING SELL ANYTHING. So, no, I have no idea what they actually do but float between each other's cubicles.

  4. A non-essential sales team? It's possible that, that is the most perfect job in all of creation. How awesome is it to have a job description entailing the duty of selling and not having anything to sell, nor the expectation to. It sucks that interns get the best jobs!


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