5 Kinds of Moron At Every Job: #4 The Lazy College Kid

5 Kinds of Moron At Every Job: 

#4 The Lazy College Kid

You work...so I don't have to. 

      This prick, doesn't have a fucking degree yet. Yet, he believes that since he's in the process of getting one, he's entitled to the privleges associated with having one (e.g. being a counter productive bag of cocks). This douche is more than willing to let you do his share of--almost everything, except the easy stuff. He can usually handle that. What a fuckin' fuckhole. Why are there people like this? I blame college or the ideology associated with it...well, almost.

(handling the easy stuff)      

      I'm sympathetic to the notion of a college education equaling less physically demanding work. I grew up nourished on the teat of 80's/90's sitcoms! Most of which had at least one kid in college and that kid did fucking nothing...except occasionally wear hammer pants and rap badly. 

      They usually did less work in college than I do on a toilet...half an hour after a Taco Bell Grande Meal. Yeah, I know, "Life isn't like t.v.", you're saying. I know that and you know that, but, that doesn't mean our expectations know that. 

      In real life, attaining a higher education is a daunting task. There's a lot of alcohol consumption, masturbation calluses and heart damaging cholesterol from all the pizza, hot dogs and ramen consumed to avoid actual cooking. Plus, there's all the boring porno that's looked up instead of homework and all those fucking books with words in them. WORDS for Christ's sake. They want you to read--if you can fucking believe that. Then, there's the occasional shit side job that must be worked for extra weed money.


      It's still better than pissing life away, in some soul destroying job that involves heavy lifting, right? You're damned right! Oh, sure, there's the unpleasant side effect of becoming a hipster, maybe a cubicle slave or a fluffer for bestiality porn shoots. All of which rate higher than a bad case of hemorrhoids, gently massaged with sandpaper, but that can be lived with. Due to all that sweet, sweet degree enhanced cash flow that degree is going to get you! BIG MONEY! HOLLA!...holy shit, I just typed holla. I can feel the douche' bile rising in my throat. Gross.

Sand paper...hurts...so...good! No...no, it's 

like slowly murdering your own asshole.

      Before descending into the madness of hipster/donkey love, however, science  tells us (I'm assuming, due to making it up) that there's a good chance of becoming an "all around asshole". A big reason is due to the dreamy, fantastic life one envisions will happen after getting a degree. The "good life" with less work, more money and hot and cold running dick/pussy. It's unrealistic, sure, but, that's what dreaming is all about. Unless it gets out of hand and starts to affect the reality of "now". You know, the struggling, know nothing college twerp that's still in school and working the above mentioned shit ass job. 


      It's usually one of these heavy dreamers that starts unconsciously using their schooling, as an excuse to be lazy, ass-face on the job, way before any actual graduating happens. This is the essence of "The Lazy College Kid", we all know and love.

Cock!...or dick I'm undecided.

      Despite having the same relative position in the company as everybody else, his prospects of a future degree, he believes, affords him a disdain for the uneducated shlubs he works with. This view is often associated with people in managerial roles. This is why this dumb ass is often found to be chatting with low level management. Those he feels are his peers and in small ways, snubs those that are actually his peers. Why? Feeling the shitty job he's currently plodding through, is just an inconvenient stepping stone on his way to career based glory. His coworkers are to be regarded as underlings and represent the ilk he'll one day be charged with managing.


      Meanwhile, his current peers  will eventually be relegated to "Forgotten people I worked with, at this shitty job, I had while I was in school" stories. So, in some way, it's "okay" to defer a lot of the work load onto them and speak to them in condescending tones because...fuck em'...that's why. What a douche'.


HOW TO NOT BE THAT GUY:


      A college degree can get you a lot of things; large salaried jobs, happy ending massages on lunch breaks, box seats at local dog fights and hair loss to name a few. Hell, you might even garner a few favors from police officials, who will let you touch yourself in rest areas. What it can't get you is the respect, friendship and possible admiration of co-workers. That is a process that has to be refined over time...with a lot of shit jobs and it doesn't always work. It also doesn't teach you how ball sweatingly suck ass some jobs really are. 

She's meeting people AND getting paid!

     Low paying, menial labor gigs are great for steady cash to fund any aspiring beer pong champion but, for some people, it's their only source of income. Therefore, as someone who hopes to lead such people, they're also a well spring of knowledge regarding professionalism. Utilizing them correctly can go a long way to becoming a well rounded professional...in that career you hope your degree gets you. Ignoring what they can teach can turn you into a stupid ass that no one wants to work with. Which will piss on your stupid, dumb ass idiot parade of a future. No one likes working with dick. Not even that chick in the picture up there. Which is who you'll have to pay for ass because no one will like you.


      What you learn from those shitty jobs is painfully simple and easy to miss: hard work of any kind should be respected and those doing it well, in any station, deserve respect too. Especially those people who work those shitty jobs, day in and day out to put food on their respective tables. They might not be earning a college degree or using the job as a stepping stone to something better. For a lot of them...the shit job is...it. They do it to live and get by.


      It might seem bad but, in some ways it's not. Sometimes, you just get comfortable with what you do in life, eek out a living working hard and that's that. There's no harm in it. It might be hard, but, it pays. If you're satisfied with it, great. It might not be admirable but, it keeps the bill collectors at bay. So be it.

I looked up "not admirable" on Google 

and a picture of Bruce Lee dared me not to put it in here.

--Bruce lee always wins.

      Those people deserve the respect that doing a decent job entails. They don't deserve some scrotum wrinkle, jerk off leaching off their sweat, looking down his nose at their ill-perceived inferiority and belittles the very shit job that keeps them flush with electricity and food. People that do that are usually harmed in a parking lots with base ball bats at some future point or at least deserve to be.


      Milking a job at the expense of others is an asshole move that benefits no one. Learn to do a good job, as well as respect co-workers for their hard work and you'll find it carries over into a more fulfilling and rewarding career. One in which colleagues might actually...eventually...like you. Which, I'm told can be exchanged to some degree for free drinks and possible "champagne room" lap dances...at some future date.

Sluts On The Radio

      As the old saying goes, pimping ain't easy. Whoever said that...wasn't doing it right. Though, it is hard, when what you're pimping is borderline unfuckable. Especially when the whore is a beat up wreck of a person, with a drug habit, no teeth and lack of sexual skill due to being incredibly fat. This holds true, oddly enough, for radio d.j.'s. You know...the guys that iPods, iTunes and all manner of digital media are replacing? It's a shame really. I used to be an avid radio listener.

      I'd stay up late at night, listening, while reading Hustlers, smoking cigarettes and gambling. Those are grade school memories that will last forever. And until the big switch from radio to "thinking for myself" came around, I tuned in. During my tenure as a radio listener, I learned a lot of valuable lessons about life, politics and society in general. A few I learned were...One--everyone can hear you when you sing in your car...everyone, two--only people that call in once win the contest, the people that call repeatedly just get busy signals and three--the only way to become famous as a d.j. is to piss off....everybody.

Yeahhh...I just called your mom a shit bag who s

ucks off horses in her spare time for Mexican rodeo 

clown's amusement. I dare you to 

tell your friends and neighbors I said it.

      That's just the schtick of every "shock jock" type. Gauge what the pulse of the public...and do whatever it takes to fuck with said public using that pulse. Take the people's likes or dislikes and either extremely like and dislike it...or go full tilt the other way. It's shock jock bread and butter and I'm surprised there's still a market for it...or even an audience who doesn't realize it. Sure, it's entertainment, but, so is a hill billy cleaning a questionably loaded gun. Eventually, when there's no bloodshed the shit gets old fast. Kind of  like...well...the shits. Sure, they're convenient at first, your normal shit time is cut in half and you might even lose some weight. Eventually, though, your ass hole starts hurting and you can't sleep because you're afraid you'll shit the bed. Fun time is over! 

The last man whose diet consisted 

entirely of Mexican and Indian cuisine. 

God rest his liquid shit soul.

      What really kills shock jock horse shit, is hypocrisy. Calling people out for horse shit you, yourself, are guilty of. It's the dumbest fucking thing in the world, that and shitting yourself on purpose. Both equally stupid. Shock jocks do it all the time, though, I'm not sure about the self shitting. The political pricks especially (self shitting included). Lately, it's been Rush Limbaugh. He called a woman, who spoke to congress about the inclusion of contraception in private insurance health care packages...or some shit. Rush Limbaugh chose, instead of rebutting her stance with something akin to facts...or even rational thought,  chose, instead, to go the super shit head political shock route. Which is..."when in doubt and it's a woman...call her a slut". I'm sure the only reason he didn't say cunt rag was out of his respect for women...and his cunt rag mother. 

Rush's mother seen here greeting visitors to Disneyland.

      Rush Limbaugh is a drug addict. Anyway he slices it, he still comes out a pill popping asshole. Why would you continually throw yourself to the wolves by making wildly fuck head accusations and nonsense? Particularly, when you have the "I'm a fat, famous for drug addiction" yolk hanging on you like a hemorroid. His prescription is practically tattooed on his ass. It takes a special kind of stupid to talk shit after that. The kind of stupid that compels a man to chop off a foot, because he can't readily find his other shoe. It's the kind of stupid that causes plants to die and Asian men to favorably compare themselves equal in dick size to black men. It's the kind of stupid...that balds a man....and steals his soul. 

The kind that makes a man put phallic things 

in his mouth...and then hate on gay people. 

      I could go on forever on how Rush is a fat fucking idiot, but, eventually, you'd get tired of it. Really, him being a fat tard has little to do with what I'm talking about. It's more about drawing a line. Though, not a line regarding decency, because, really, haven't we all crossed it? There are douche' commercials and hard dick pills on kid's channels these days. I think we passed up decent a generation or two ago. What I'm talking about is, being a vice toting moron...and yet, belittling others for the same, if not equivalent vices. More over, belittling someone who has yet to reveal any such vices, yet, you carry glaring indiscretions yourself. It's painfully stupid. A fist full of stupid. Dammit, it's a fist full of stupid...ejaculating on a retarded mound of stupid...in hopes it sprouts a tree...of tard berries. 

The tree of stupid...this time

 with more dumb ass in every bite!

      Why, do we, as a nation, put up with shit like this from assholes on the radio or t.v. for that matter? Shouldn't we call foul on something like this...or at least leave a bag of shit on his doorstep to retaliate? It's just out of hand now. Soon, and I hate to pull the Hitler card, but, I'm tired and Hitler pops into my head when I think of stupid hate monger. (even more so when I'm tired, him and Oscar the Grouch), they'll be spouting about how Hitler had the right idea and cloning him would bring back shit like Hugo Boss uniforms, bitchin' jazz and tooth brush mustaches. Does it have to get that far? Perhaps, we should just buy more MP3 players, plug them into our efficient cars and forget the Limbaugh pricks ever existed. It's a shame that people like that sully the good name of argument. I like to argue. Especially about shit that I have very little affect on, like the government. It allows me to vent frustration and anger,  that I'd otherwise devote to hunting animals to extinction and distributing cigarettes to school children.