Thursday, November 8, 2012

Fox News: It's All About The Coloreds!

      Every four years, we in the glorious United States of Abraham, take a little time out of our speedy, self destructive, caffeine addicted lives to exercise one of the hard earned rights our troops, lawmakers and Benjamin Franklins died for. We skip rope to our favorite polling places and cast our votes for the out of touch, rich person we feel best represents our poorly constructed political views, in the least distorted way. It's a beautiful, bonafide laugh riot wrapped in a festival of crying...with stickers! Oh...and racism.

I peed as well, but, it warranted no sticker.

      According to several news organisations, mainly Fox News, race played a HUGE part in President Obama's win in the presidential election. Fox News and their ilk are a hilarious bunch. They seem to take the "That didn't hurt" mentality to matters regarding political dealings they don't like. 

      What the hell is the "That didn't hurt" mentality, you say? Oh, you know...don't you? When some kid feels the need to prove how toughy, tough he is, to the chagrin of others. Then, someone brings up a good arm slugging match to prove it, which the poor kid invariably takes part in. As the intensity of the slugging escalates, he continues to mutter, "That didn't hurt.", despite the tears streaming from his eyes and the snot rolling from his nostrils like a goopy badges of awkward shame. You think to yourself, what would drive a person to commit to so much pain to prove such an arbitrary and asinine point? Well, that's Fox News!

That didn't hurt.

      Using the deft wit that only Fox News can muster, they felt the need to write off Obama's win as a freak occurrence. Choosing to relegate it to "not enough white people voting" and not the more accurate "Mitt Romney is a blazing retard in a suit." as a reason for Obama's re-election. Hey, I'm all for pandering to the public's hate as a means to generate attention. It's why I wear a Conway Twitty t-shirt to Jay-Z concerts and eat pudding with chop sticks at Chinese resturants ("Sir, we have spoons." "What the hell are you inferring, racist?"), it get's people furious and talking about you, but come on "not enough white people voting"? 

      I'd expect something more creative from an organisation with Bill O'Reilly in their midst. Maybe a reason involving a marijuana fueled Kids Incorporated conspiracy, the NCAA drugging the water, which forces otherwise stoic conservatives to transform into "Obamazombies" that compulsively vote for him or homosexuality. See, I just thought of three perfectly viable "Fox News" quality reasons, yet, they went with race baiting. Lazy, thoughtless bastards. Still, stupid as their statements were...I partially agree. Race did play a role in Obama's win.

Hmm...I'm on the fence on whether I 
should say "coloreds" or "darkies" helped Obama win it
Decisions, decisions.

      If you'll allow me to get brain deadlingly sentimental for a moment, yes, race played an issue. The human race played an issue. It didn't matter what color the voters were, it was who they voted for that swung the win in Obama's favor--Obama and not Mitt. Mitt Romney, more or less, is a blisteringly stupid man bordering on monkey (if that monkey were hit in the head with a rubber hammer repeatedly and fed gasoline for a month).  The man is practically an animatronic puppet remote controlled from a boardroom full of CEO's. 

      Though, not to say that President Obama is any different, he just hides it better and with less jerky puppet movements. No, Obama didn't win because of a poor, poor white trash voter turn out, NAY, he won because the other guy was a blithering moron who called his constituency a bunch of freeloaders. Blaming a lack of white voters won't turn Mitt Romney into a viable candidate that got shafted because some good ol' boys didn't hit up the polls. It only shows the extremes that one has to go to, to make him seem viable.  


  1. Speaking as an international spectator, the rest of the world breathed a massive sigh of relief when they heard the result. Nobody outside America understood how or why Mitt Romney had a chance of winning, despite being told that he did.

    1. I have a sneaking suspicion that Mitt wasn't chosen for his intellect, political savvy or even a pleasing musky sent, but, rather that he took to electro-shock with minimal resistance.

  2. I voted for Gary Johnson so if shit were ever to hit the fan I can be like, "Well I didn't vote for [insert President's name]." That's not the only reason, though. I generally like libertarian ideals. Not to say that I didn't want Obama over Romney anyway. I'm from Mass, and he even lost here in his home state (It sucks here by the way).

    But having read your post, I ventured over to YouTube to view Fox's reaction to Obama's win and it was quite hilarious. It was like watching a funeral where the attendees are still trying to resuscitate the dead guy. "You mean it's over? He's President? Are you sure it's right?" Silly billies.

    On an unrelated note, I noticed that you said you'd be interested in that new blog I proposed on my site. If you are indeed still interested, Addman has set up a forum for us to use at:

    If you want to join in on the fun, just register on the forum and join us in our discussion. You'll find more information there.. kind of.

    1. I like some libertarian ideas...until they get wacky, then, I really love them.

      Oh, and I'm very interested. Let's do this.

  3. I'm working on an "I peed" sticker for you. But you only get it if you can prove you didn't splash any on your shoes.

    1. The sticker is a brilliant idea. I'd love to have one...unfortunately, my friend...I ALWAYS piss on my shoes, whether I'm wearing them or not. Some say it's a gift...I say...curse.


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