It's crazy how shitty our information quality is these days. You can't even look something upwithout finding a convoluted shit storm, strewn about like so many used condoms. We have too much! We have so much of it, that truth and fact, actually become lost in the jumble of...truth and facts. I chock it up to to massive amounts of poorly drawn anime wolves. I don't know why, I just do.
It makes my eyes scream.
That being said, I thought I'd give you some little known info on a historical icon. It's a public service I provide from time to time. It's so you can dangle it in front of idiots, like a giant cock of knowledge. Then, tell them to suck it. No...wait, no...wait...I guess that works. I meant to just say, you know, just plain..."Suck it!" but, it still works with a dick reference too. Regardless, here's a few things bout Albert Einstein that will expand your knowledge penis.
All I need to own you...is right here, bitch.
Why the fuck are you talking about Albert "Droppin' Bombs" Einstein, Elton? Well, he seems to be a man that the public seems greatly misinformed about. People just take him for what he is, a wild haired genius that discovered something about MC's and blew up the Japanese. That's all you really need to know, right? Well, even that's slightly bullshit.
Einstein didn't invent the atomic bomb.
His "Theory of Special Relativity" helped scientists develop then, make the atomic bomb. More importantly, it was the "humanity crushing energy, released by dicking with atoms", part that really helped. Albert Einstein actually despised the atomic bomb. He was sure (and might be right) about it's use in destroying us all. Get this. After being asked, how the bomb would be used in another world war, he made this face as they took his picture...
Fuck. Bombs are a bummer.
Then, he delivered this quote (one of my favorites), "I don't know what kind of weapons will be used in the third world war, assuming there will be a third world war, but, I can tell you what the forth world war will be fought with--stones.". Later, the awesomeness of that quote caused a million woman to orgasm and spontaneously become pregnant...hence the baby boom. True story.
Einstein believed in
a world government.
That's the hand we wipe our asses with.
Living through two world wars must have been a bitch. I imagine it's kinda like living through a real life Call of Duty game except with more fedoras, a holocaust and a nuclear bomb finale thrown in for sheer terror's sake. For a peace loving guy like Einstein, living through two world wars was particularly troubling. So, it would only make sense for him to want the world to hold hands and decide on a better life for everyone. Unfortunately, this is Earth, we are human and people don't wash their hands after using the bathroom..
Einstein wanted a world government that would focus on solving problems with words instead of bombs. It's a sweet and kind idea, in theory. Kind of like jumping off a roof with an umbrella. You imagine floating down, Mary Poppins like, while everyone looks on, envious of your courageous balls. Yet, we all know the truth; open umbrella, extend arm with umbrella, careen to the ground at the speed of sound to the horror of onlookers. Then, possibly shittin--....no, definitely shitting yourself.
His idea was to have an elected, international government, rule over countries like states. He felt that nationalistic patriotism was a big contributor toward bullshit like Nazism. So, by eliminating borders and countries in general, we wouldn't have that problem any more. We'd become a real life "We Are The World" civilization, complete with celebrity cameos. Would it or could it work? Hell no. Apparently, soccer hooligans didn't exist in Einstein's time or he would know that people get violently attached to any-fucking-thing, including children's games. People grow attached to everything; neighborhoods, apartment blocks, streets, taking away borders and nations wouldn't quell anything. It is a nice idea though, if people weren't involved.
Einstein Married His First Cousin
Besides working for nuclear disarmament,
I also work my cousin's ass.
Hey, maybe it was one of those "it was a simpler time" things or maybe it's a love is blind thing, I like to think that it's because Einstein had literally fucked every other available vagina (be it animal, mineral or vegetable). Einstein married his first cousin. Gross to me and you, vaguely acceptable to sex starved Germans back then. Wince worthy as it is, you'd have to admit, his cousin was better looking than his non-related first wife.Though, if you are feeling especially forgiving, you could say that for every great thing, there's something grotesque. So, for the greatness of Albert Einstein's genius, there was cousin fucking going on.
Cousin fucking!
I have a lot more to say on the subject, of seemingly obscure Einstein crap, but, my insatiable need to tape my hands, slather them in glue, dip them in glass and savagely beat plush animals is getting the better of me. I must attend to it or suffer another violent relapse at the Toys R Us...again.
