Tuesday, October 11, 2011

7 Things About Einstein That You Might Not Know

      It's crazy how fucked up our information is these days. I did a search on myself and discovered, not only that I'm awesome, but, I also have an affinity for anal beads and have an excellent record as a coke mule. You can't even look up information on something without finding convoluted messes strewn about like so many used condoms. We're overloaded, it seems. We have so much of it that truth and fact, actually become lost in the jumble of...truth and facts. I chock it up to to mass amounts of poorly drawn animation about anime wolves. I don't know why. I just do.

It makes my eyes scream.

      That being said, I thought I'd give overflowing the coffers a shot by dropping some little know info you. Shit you might not have know about...something or another. So, I chose a person. Historical and damn sexy person. Albert "Dropping Bombs" Einstein.

All I need to destroy you...is right here, bitch.

      Why the fuck Einstein, Elton? Well, he seems to be a man that people seem greatly under or misinformed about. People just take him for what he is, a genius that discovered something about MC's and blew up the Japanese. That's all you really need to know, right? Well, even that stuff a little bit bullshit... 

1. Einstein didn't invent the atomic bomb.

      His "Theory of Special Relativity" helped scientists who developed then, made the atomic bomb. More importantly, it was the humanity crushing energy you could generate by dicking with atoms part of it that really helped. Albert Einstein actually despised the atomic bomb. He was sure and might be right about it being used to destroy us all. Get this. After being asked how the bomb would be used in another world war he made this face as they took his picture...

Fuckin' bombs are a suuuch a bummer.

      Then, he delivered this quote (one of my favorites by the way): "I don’t know what kind of weapons will be used in the third world war, assuming there will be a third world war. But I can tell you what the fourth world war will be fought with—stones"

2. Einstein thought a "world government" was a good idea.

      With all of the horse shit being flung around about communism, socialism and want not, it's nice to get a different perspective from a world icon like Einstein. He believed that the world should get together and have a "one world government". Everybody would get together and have one government to decide for us all, in peace. This of course is a pipe dream. Have you ever seen those fights that happen in Parliament? Those fuckers throw shoes and climb over desks to kick each other's asses. Now, imagine the world! Holy shit.

3. Einstein was kind of a dick to his family

Tons of people that knew him commented on Einstein's lack of connection to people. He was always aloof and day dreamy. He would ponder crazy shit, constantly. His family bore the brunt of his disconnection. He never had a father son relationship with any of his kids. Many have said, including himself that he wasn't a good father...or spouse.

4. Einstein had a daughter

Discovered in 1986, a letter containing the name of Einstein's daughter was found. His daughter's name was only ever mentioned in a few letters up until 1903 then, never again...in anything. No one knows what happened to her. Some think she might have died from scarlet fever. Others feel she might have been adopted by a family friend. Nobody knows for sure and doubt they ever will. 

5. Einstein came up with his theories when he was young

Everybody has this notion that Einstein was always this nappy white haired scientist with a pre-70's porn mustache and walked around in sweatshirts his whole life. The work he is riding into eternity with was done...when he was 26. Yeah, he had been out of college only a couple of years. In fact...everything he's famous for was done in 1905. That's it. It's often referred to as the 'Miracle Year'. He never did anything of note after that point. During that year he discovered 'general relativity' and 'special relativity'. He looked like this...


6. Einstein married his first cousin.

Fucking gross as that is, get this. They were double cousins: First on his mom's side and second on his dad's. When it cames to family...Einstein was very affectionate with them. (READ: INSERTED HIS PENIS INTO A LOT OF THEM)

7. Einstein fucked around...a lot.

"Marriage is the unsuccessful attempt to make something lasting out of an incident.". This is what Albert thought of marriage. He cheated on his wives all the time. He cheated on his first wife at least 10 times. He also banged not only his first cousin, but, her sister as well. Yikes. So, in addition to being a genius, a weird guy who liked to emotionally scar his family tree, he'd also throw his dick in anything with a pulse! 

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