Stupidity, has been a mainstay of humanity since the dawn of mankind. Everyone is, knows, has known or enjoyed the fruits of stupidity. Those fruits come in many forms, be it some poor bastard shearing off his own nuts while juggling chainsaws or running for President of The United States, people love stupidity. Unfortunately, stupidity is best showcased wrapped in the warm, prickly, blood soaked blanket of violence. Don't get me wrong, it's still entertaining, just unfortunate.
Just ask all those do it yourself "hammer dentists".
The latest unfortunate showcase of stupidity is a show called Full Metal Jousting. Basically, it's two people, clad in "armor" riding horses at each other, while spearing each other with long, sharp sticks. Some people see this as "manly" or "fun". Most of us just see it as it is...incredibly stupid...which it is.
QUICK! Point your joust at the dumbest mother fucker here.
Men, in general, have been trying to kill each other in creative ways since...forever. Some are really good at it (ask any James Bond villain) and others really suck ass at it (Russian roulette). Jousting, as illustrated by this History Channel show, has created it's own niche in the creative killing catalog. It's a stupid...stupid niche.
Running at people with pointy objects does have a purpose, that's not the argument. The purpose of course is to kill the person you're running at...with your pointy stick. Add in a horse and you've got some high speed (albeit awkward) killing going on! It might be the oldest, most effective way to kill something since blunt objects, drowning and old age. It's great during a battle type of situation. Especially OLD battles, before hurling projectiles became the "hip, new thing". Jousting is great and works splendidly...if the other person is:
1. Unaware that you're trying to kill them with a long pointy stick and a horse
2. Has come to the battle without a weapon that can be thrown at a running horse and/or person.
3. Hasn't discovered the ability to run away.
4. Is a member of an army that doesn't employ things like; fire, rocks or guns.
I'm sure there are other stipulations that would effect jousting in general, but, you get the idea. Jousting is a stupid, desperate way to fight a battle. It's a one hit wonder...so to speak. Yet, it's not entirely stupid, seriously. If it were between fighting someone with or without a sharp stick and a horse...I would take the sharp stick and a horse. The stupid part involves the addition of another idiot running you down with an equally sharp stick...and an equally fast horse.
One of these things is not like the other...
one of these things just got speared off a damn horse.
When two idiots of equal or lesser value decide to run, full bore, at each other with sharp sticks, it is entertaining. Yet, isn't it, somehow, our duty to inform them of how incredibly stupid it is? Perhaps, with facts thrown their way, instead of jousts, we might turn the tide on their stupidity. Maybe, informing them that if nature had intended us to jab each other with long death rods, he would have gave us large bony chests, foreheads and such. Like, a humanized Triceratops. Possibly informing them that one or both of them, when choosing to joust, increases their chance of dying to almost one hundred percent. Though, I don't think the message would reach them, not with all that armor and stupidity wrapped around them.
So, I think that it's best to leave the jousting to the "experts"...where ever they are. We simple, stupid, people should go about our lives...not dying by pointy sticks. There seems to be a calm justice in that. Just beware of impaled, flying "knight" bodies. They're easy to identify. They'll be the one's screaming "Why?! Why am I so stupid? Why!?". Try not to laugh.
