Wednesday, April 18, 2012

M, N, O and P are for Mitt Nearly Our President (A to Z Blogging Challenge)

      Politics suck ass...or sucks ass, whichever is grammatically correct. It's a genre fit for pretentious, closed minded argument junkies bitching about nothing. Nothing that's fixable anyway...oh...and assholes. Professional politics are a different thing altogether. It's a "Thunderdome" of endless arguments and back slapping...and assholes. Though, I do find it all very entertaining. The entertainment is more of an unintended side effect however, like the comedic bad acting in those "Twilight" movies.

     Overall I'm not a political person. Sure, I take sides but, it's usually about things like, which baconator is better a single or a double (double) or whether women in Catholic school girl uniforms give me a boner (yes...even that fat ones). So, when I think of politics, it's not about choosing a side, because it all sucks. Regardless, I believe everyone should be informed as to who or whomever their leaders or potential leaders might be. Even if it's only used to send them dirty letters about wildebeests. Plus, I still believe in government to some extent. So, picking a leader that seems less moronic than the other is important. I know, I'm an endless pit of hypocrisy and paradox...that says fuck a lot.


Yeah! Wait...what?

      Though, what I have to say has nothing to do with politics...not totally. It has to to with Mitt Romney, who is a politician. Relax, I'm not going to rip apart his idiotic foreign policy regarding prostitution or rant about some banal break down of why he should get high...a lot. Instead, I'm going right for glaringly obvious. Something so billboard plain that it seems everyone in the world has ignored it entirely...and will be the main, unspoken reason he will never be president. The thing? His name of course.


Word uuuuuuupp, bitchhheeeessss!

      It's hysterical knowing that someone on this planet, at this very moment is named after a finger-less glove. Not only is that person is a man (and not a bunny)...but he's running for President of The United States as well. I have almost pissed myself on several occasions contemplating all of the above and...oops...amend "almost" to "just".


I blame Mitt Romney...and diet Shasta.

      Can anyone honestly picture a U.S. President named Mitt? Besides rhyming Mitt with "shit" taking little to no effort and the sheer volume of bumper stickers variations of that would generate, it's too surreal to entertain. A President named Mitt would absolutely ruin any chance of being taken seriously in the world. Yeah, yeah, you can think that the rest of the world doesn't matter all you want, but, it doesn't change the fact that they do. President Mitt would never be taken seriously...unless it's a kitten at a world summit of kittens...for peace. 


Though, President Mitt might fair well 
during hostile negotiations...I wouldn't count on it.

      Yet, presidents with weird names are not a new thing. We have one named Barack right now, which ranks right above Balzac, on the "weird ass famous names" list. As weird as the name Barack Obama is, it still sounds...menacing. Perhaps as a villainous Transformer or G.I. Joe enemy. Barack Obama might sound kinda terrifying if coupled with the screams of dying soldiers, bombs and a city on fire. Try doing that with the name Mitt. Let me know how many of those dying soldiers screams turn to outright laughter. 


Destruction brought to you by...MITT!

      Mitt being an unequivocally stupid name is exactly why he won't be president. Adherent as political types are to their "beliefs" and "values", nothing can overcome putting a man named Mitt into a seat of what many consider "the most powerful office in the world". It's the same thing that has handicapped Newt Gingrich all these years. Though, cheating on not one wife, but two while both were sick (one with cancer, one with MS), probably doesn't help his cause either. Mitt also has problems beyond his idiotic name (he's extremely rich and thinks poor people exist because their parents haven't given them million dollar corporations yet). Though, isn't a name like Mitt enough?

13 comments:

  1. I thought Mitt was probably short for some kind of really manly name that I'm too much of a pansy to comprehend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I believe it's short for Mitthugedongribsnapper.

      Delete
  2. lol! I thought presidents were named like hurricanes? I thought too that the name Mitt (like the baseball Mitt, I think) would be a selling point - you know safe hands and all that. My knowledge of American culture is pretty amazing!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Safe hands would be a fine selling point indeed, except the American people loath their presidents doing anything interesting with their hands. It's almost always associated with masturbation...that includes eating and fist bumping.

      Delete
  3. You should have cautioned people not to visit this blog if they did not want to read so many words that are offensive to a great number of people. Apparently you do not want to be taken seriously.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah, are you being serious, slathering on witty sarcasm...or going for some kind of irony. Let me address all of them. I don't feel the need to caution people about my content...as I seriously doubt children read blogs. They're too busy trying to defeat porn filters and desperately searching for the best way to illegally download a Justin Bieber album. So, I feel that "adults" can make the decision for themselves. If you're unable to do that and need someone to decide for you, I suggest you unplug your computer and cry. As for this being witty sarcasm, bravo!

      P.S. I write funny, comedic things...which is as far from serious as can be. So, thank you for that last comment!

      Delete
    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    3. Hey Grammy, great comment. You should have a type of award named after you.

      Delete
    4. I suggested "Grammy's Most Unrealistic Expectations Regarding The Internet Award", but, she just sneered and threw a spoon at me.

      Delete
  4. I'm not into politics (as I'm too stupid to comprehend them), but whenever I do vote (never), it usually is based on their name or looks because I can't rely on the media.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I absolutely agree. Politics are a vile cesspool of corruption, convolution and buffet lines. It's all a money stealing racket...that sometimes builds a bridge or dam.

      My reliance for information regarding politics runs in the same vein. My mistrust of the media has overflowed into other areas as well, like, park services, waste management and movie theater operation. They're all in it together.

      Delete
  5. I love your Cthulhu pic. :D I just got one of those for my car, with CTHULHU 2012 over it in big letters. I'm pretty excited about it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That kicks ass! I need to get one. Out here in shot gun country, it would garner a lot of confused looks and possible fear killings.

      Delete

Comment. Lest your fear consume you, cry baby.