Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Commercials Made For...Who?

     There are mornings, that upon waking, seem brighter. The foul air of stupidity that's usually present is cleaner and smells...smarter, the birds chirp in a way that says, "It's okay, today is cloudless sunshine with a 90% chance of rainbows!" Everything is fantastic.Then, a retarded commercial on t.v. ruins the whole fucking day.

The Mio Liquid Animal Ads

I. Just. Peed.

     The commercial above, is selling Mio drink mix it's also a cold stare in to a hellish abyss of animal driven nightmares. It was hard to tell what they were selling through all the childlike sobbing I was doing. Mio is a liquid concentrate Kool-Aid mix, that you squirt into water to make it taste like...fruity water. It's basically Kool-Aid mix for hip, slightly stupid adults who feel their tastes are more mature than regular Kool-Aid. This is a classic "separate an idiot from his money" product. Putting fruity concentrate in a tiny, expensive plastic bottle, giving you half of what you want but, charging you twice as much doesn't make it different from Kool Aid. It just says your a complete idiot who likes fruity water.

      The problem isn't with the pocket sized Juicey Juice mix. It's with the nightmare fuel animal people acting like nonchalant assholes in a bar that bothers me.

      Who the hell was this commercial made for? People who have trouble shitting themselves from panic and fear? It's a bunch of photo realistic-ish animals talking about fruit drink mix for fuck's sake. Is there a demographic of people craving photo realistic anthropomorphic bar hoppers? I don't understand. If you're peddling fruit drink to adults, why do you need bizarre animal people? If you're hocking your junk to kids, why are the freak-imals in a bar talking like adults?! It's confusing, scary and...I just threw up a little.

1800 Tequila

Whatever happened to shutting the fuck up?

      I'm all about getting trashed and whining, this blog proves it, but, I'm not trying to sell you anything doing it. That would just be a stupid way to get you to NOT buy something. Which is the opposite of what advertising is about. Right? I'm not totally hip to the television ad game. I'm roughly familiar with the swatches of information I get from the parts of Mad Men that doesn't have Christina Hendricks boobs in it. ( **hint, hint ---> MAD MEN SEASON 1 BY MAD MEN (Blu-Ray) [3 DISCS]). So, I might be way off base in assuming that no one buys things from crotchety pricks in suits that sit alone in empty bars complaining about shit. Am I wrong?

      Hey, I understand the appeal of nostalgia. Looking back to a time when shit seemed awesome. Sometimes, I wish I was still small enough to tie a sheet around my neck and run around the house playing Superman. When, I do it now, they call the police and talk about a possible suicide attempts and delusions of super powers. Fucking bastards.

     So, here is this guy, bitching about things that he's not even old enough to bitch about missing. He's tossing out this "Remember the smoke filled bars, suit clad, fedora wearing Sinatra type guys of yesteryear? Them's was good days, good guys." vibe, like he lived it. He was there. He shook The Chairman's hand! He's 46. Which would put his formative Sinatra days as some time in the late 80's/90's.

     Maybe they should refine the ad campaign to incorporate this. Perhaps, "Whatever happened to real men, like Al Bundy or John Mclane?..." Speaking of pricks reminiscing out side of their years.

Let's have a sleep over guys!

      I'm going to say this right up front. I'm a bit biased. I hate Puff Daddy (which is the name I first heard of him using, so, it's his dumb ass name). I hate, hate hate his ass. His career and fame are based on the talents and work of better arrtists. The guy comes off as a rip-off, leaching, talent-less tard who treats money like douche' fuel. (sigh) I feel better now and can move on. Who the fuckin' fuck was this commercial made for?

      Is it for asshole's aping for a "Rat Pack/Boozy Sinatra and Pals" kind of time? Look, I can...kinda see the appeal. With everything from smoking to hate crime being illegal now, who are the cool, hip rule breakers, huh? Sinatra and his fellas were awesome! The didn't play by societies standards. They boozed hard, ladied it up and partied 24 hours a day...literally...I looked it up. Who wouldn't want that kind a life?

      You wouldn't, bitch. Back in their day, Sinatra and his ilk lived life hard because times were pretty straight laced back then and bucking trends was hardcore. Segregation was in full swing, homosexuality was only accepted as Milton Berle in drag and church was still...popular, this was the time of The Rat Pack boozathon. When they were busting out of societies confines, it was a big deal and they were the types to not give a shit. Awesome---unlike today. Today, we get Puffy, a couple of barely famous actors and I'm assuming European male underwear models.

      Today, none of that "going against the grain" shit applies really. A lot of the stuff the O.G. Rat Pack railed against is acceptable now. Segregation was found out to be just as dumb--as klan rallies are white, church has been shunned to t.v. channels no one watches and homosexuality has it's own's called Bravo. 

      So, what are Puffy and his play mates trying to re-kindle? Oh, wearing suits, staying up all night and getting tanked while blowing money on hooker/super models no one gets to sleep with. That's called an "average weekend" on most college campuses. Only, on campuses, they spend the money on rubbers and weed instead of over priced vodka. Gooooooooooo progress!


  1. There is an advert for the alcopop WKD that makes me want to throw the TV out of the window! But its bloody heavy! Its from 2011 but is still aired.
    Its lovingly entitled "Missus Alert" - the thing is everyone knows that WKD is mainly drunk by women so why is the advert aimed at men?

    1. That was an odd commercial indeed. From the sausage fest party/bar...thing to the bar tender participating with a dust buster, the "whut?" factor was incredibly high.

      I think eventually, every alcoholic beverage, leverages for the male demographic. There's tons of money there. Namely because it's home to more drunks per-capita than Wisconsin and Dublin combined.

      Thank you commenting, you're quite good at it.

  2. You know what's an awesome commercial?

    1. Yes, yes I do.

  3. The Video are simply stunning and amazingly well shot.I just cant stop my self to halt here and leave this comment. Very Well done and Great job.BY - Television Advertising

    1. Thank you. Though, I had little to do with the actual creation of their content, I am flattered that you think I did a good job. You have also done a good job at whatever it is that you may be doing. In fact, you're the best person doing what you do at this very moment. Be proud Steve Hawk!

      P.S. Awesome name. Just...awesome.

  4. Great posting and videos on the subject. Actually it is the stupid Geico commercials that bug me most. They have nothing to with insurance and don't make me want to rush to switch companies.

    1. Oh, I know. Those commercials are horrible. Plus, there's a half dozen permutations of them. I've decided to revolt against them and drive around hap-hazardly without insurance. That will show them!


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